Grown up children. What associations do you have when you hear these words - “adult children”? Perhaps you imagine quite old men and women who have been shaving for a long time, decide for themselves when to come home, go to work, live with other adults, give birth to children and brush off mom’s words: “What did you eat today, dress warmer...” The children have grown up and have their own adult lives. The adult years go by year after year. But have these children grown up? And are they adults? Looking around, you increasingly notice that few adults are adults. It’s a paradox, but most adults remain children. And these are not just children, but children left without parental care. When we were children, our parents (or other adults) took care of us. We were provided with food, we were given the opportunity to get an education. Our parents organized our lives, provided us with money, worried about our health, and were attentive to everything we might need in childhood. That is, parents and other adults provided us with everything. What remains for a child in such a situation? Be a participant in this situation and accept what is given to you. A child's position is basically a forced passive position - the content of a child's life directly depends on other people. A child is a dependent creature. And in childhood, this is normal. Without parents, the child would not survive. Until a child adapts to life, he needs to be under guardianship. But, on the threshold of adult life, a person has grown up and enters it, unconsciously believing that someone else also influences him and everything that happens to him . This is where the problems begin. A person is convinced that his life depends on someone, is guided, provided for, etc. And if this someone did not give enough pocket money, life is perceived as an ordeal. Where is the beginning of this tail, which stretches through adult life? The vast majority of modern adults did not receive that same unconditional love in childhood. Perhaps they received food, a good school, beautiful toys, but they were deprived of parental attention, time spent together, conversations about what is happening in the child’s life, how he lives, what he thinks about, and even simple hugs... There were deprived of stroking the soul. Adults don’t always want to remember this, because it hurts somewhere inside. And when you don’t know what to do with this pain, you hide it away, so as not to see, so as not to feel, so as not to remind you of yourself. For the purpose of self-preservation, so as not to collapse. Well, it was or wasn’t, and it’s passed. Has it passed? You can, of course, close your eyes to the fact that the parents may have been emotionally distant. Perhaps they didn't have time to just play snowballs with their child. Perhaps at that moment it could not have been any other way and there were reasons for this. Perhaps they worked a lot and, naturally, got tired. Now we have no task to find the guilty and punish them. There is what is now. A person who did not learn love in childhood does not know what it is like to love. He cannot convey to another what he did not receive once. He also has a desire. He even stretches out his hands - they say, take it - but there is nothing to convey. If a child, for example, had emotionally cold parents, having become an adult, he simply does not know what emotionality and warm, tender relationships are - he does not have this knowledge on level of the body. Perhaps, when the child was just born, he had these inclinations of the ability to love, but if this “button” was never pressed, everyone forgot where this button was. At some point, the world around him becomes unkind, gray , - life is an ordeal in which there is no justice. A heaviness settles inside, obscuring what is behind the windbreaks and gullies of consciousness. I remember fairy tales in which the hero, approaching a hut on chicken legs, says in a confident voice: “Hut, hut, turn your front to me, and your back to the forest.” There is only one hut, but it has two sides, or rather, even four. And an adult has the right to choose which.