From the author: Have you ever been in such situations when your nerves are on edge - you feel like you are ready to explode with indignation?... The boss demands too much from you, or you are faced with outright rudeness or rudeness, or they are trying to involve you in doing other people’s business, or you understand that you are being manipulated. Perhaps this is a feeling of injustice, a desire to defend one’s truth and not allow oneself to be offended. And then you want to scream, stomp your feet, fight back and explain to your interlocutor that he is a bad person... Answer yourself the question: what do you do if this happens? There are two standard ways of behavior in such situations: You allow anger and resentment to take over . We don’t like something - we show anger, we are rude - and we shout back. I call this game "blame ping pong." In other words, this is aggressive behavior. However, after expressing one’s anger, a feeling of guilt often arises, the conscience torments, or fear appears for the possible consequences of such behavior. Another option is withdrawal, stupor. You are afraid to answer something and prefer to swallow it, wait it out. You are hindered by your intelligence, upbringing, and you simply do not allow yourself to offend another person. But afterwards you feel wounded, offended - “I should have told him everything I think”, “Now he will decide that he can always talk to me like that”... Such situations disorganize the usual way of life so much that it is difficult for you to concentrate on something. A cycle of thoughts appears, a painful dialogue pops up, you replay in your head again and again everything that you said and what was answered to you. You think through other possible lines, rehearse again and again what you should have said or done, or restrain yourself and not throw out your anger yourself... but it’s too late... the moment has passed! Resentment, anger, a feeling of inadequacy, vulnerability affects not only work, it also affects relationships with loved ones. And now another task appears - to restore relationships with them. In the case of using the second option of behavior, another problem often arises - unexpressed feelings manifest themselves in headaches, abdominal pain, bronchitis and other diseases with a psychological basis. Indeed, sometimes it is difficult to see the line between defending their interests and manifestations of aggression. When is it okay to scream and when not? How to achieve your goals, fight back the offender and remain true to yourself? Self-affirming or assertive behavior will help with this. It is based on the principle of achieving your goals while respecting your interlocutor. So that after the conversation you feel protected and confident. You make it clear to your interlocutor that you have your own opinion, which is worth taking into account and at the same time leave the possibility of continuing a good relationship with him. This is the position of a confident person. Self-affirming behavior includes: 1. Openness in dialogue. Be able to speak openly about your feelings and thoughts, while maintaining a respectful attitude towards your interlocutor. If you don’t like something, you talk about your feelings, explaining the reason. When we know what we feel at the moment and why, we can manage our emotions and not become “hostages” to them! Also, knowing our feelings is a guarantee of protection from manipulation. After all, emotions are the strings that can be hooked through manipulation.2. Respect for your interlocutor. Each of us has our own needs and goals. Everyone tries to satisfy these needs. Sometimes we, without noticing, hurt others, or in our desire to achieve what we want, they hurt us. And yet, in any communication, we want to be understood and heard. Respect in a conversation, even with a conflicting person, helps to show that you are not his enemy, that you are striving to reach consensus and you are not indifferent to what is happening.3. A clear understanding of your desires, needs and skills"!