From the author: Published on the author’s website When I become an adult, I will allow my son everything: Eating sour cream with my hands And jumping on my back, Lying on the sofa, Drawing on the wall, Keeping a beetle in my pocket, Don’t wash my face ...IN. Lunin As children, we said, “When I grow up...” and dreamed about what would happen when that time came. Who hasn’t dreamed of buying ice cream or candy with all their money, and while studying at school - the coolest outfit so that the whole class would gasp and die of envy. Or, finally, get the most beautiful dog in the world. Get a license and be able to drive a car, become a taxi driver or a pastry chef, a flight attendant, an actress, a great traveler... They take it even higher, dreaming of becoming a president or at least a general director. Since childhood, we wanted our opinion to be important, to be heard, respected and valued. The world around us requires yesterday's children to have responsibility, willpower, honesty, and the ability to make their own decisions. And so we grow up, barely noticing our changes. School, a matriculation certificate, admission to a university, a diploma, an internship, a job... And like “When I become an adult...” becomes irrelevant. And yet not quite so. Not every person who has reached a respectable age and size can boast that solving life problems is easy for him, that he is confident and quite accurately correlates his desires and capabilities, understands which goals are most favorable and realistic for him to achieve, that he is in harmony with himself and those around him. Due to certain circumstances, an adult or almost an adult person is not always understands what can be expected from life, what goals to strive for, who to trust and what to believe in, whose opinion is worth focusing on, what to give up on. He is gnawed by doubts about the correctness of what he is doing, fear of making a mistake, not pleasing or not guessing someone’s desire, miscalculation, missing a chance, as well as guilt for past and even future mistakes, for what was done or not fulfilled. Some authors argue that such 90% of people in their thirties and forties are not completely independent and mature, while others believe that it is 98%. In any case, the majority of the population. And there’s nothing wrong with that, the only question is the degree of manifestation. Over time, many manage to master ways to work around their weak points and achieve a higher level of maturity and harmony. And this path is lifelong. An adult is capable of making responsible decisions regarding himself, taking into account all the circumstances involved, is ready to calmly deal with the consequences of these decisions, knows how to stand up for himself and act in accordance with his interests. Maturity implies the ability to stand firmly on one's own feet, both materially and morally. At the same time, the process of maturation does not at all exclude falls, disappointments and mistakes, and also does not in any way limit the ability to act easily, cheerfully and with humor. Many, however, experience significant difficulties and mental anguish with every change in life circumstances. It can be so difficult for them to cope with a task or their own experiences that they try to find someone to lean on as a crutch. At the same time, it is difficult for them to openly ask for help and in their hearts they hope that their loved ones will figure it out themselves and help solve (or solve for them) all the accumulated problems. Growing up children from dysfunctional families especially suffer - families of alcoholics, single-parent families, conflict-ridden families, those who have received repressive or indifferent upbringing. In relation to such adults, the term “codependent” has recently become very widespread, implying emotional lack of freedom, a person’s dependence on other people... Here are a few examples describing the state of codependent people. “I’m not used to complaining much. Who needs anyone except their own mother, Yes, and she has a lot of problems without me. I have friends, my sister, but when problems start, I don’t want to burden other people’s ears. I’m an ordinary person with my own pros and cons and I’m quite happy with everything, but I can’t help but feel like I am. I'm doing something wrong.