From the author: An essay about a person’s irrational beliefs, which I published in my newsletter on the website and on the pages of LiveJournal. I am now interested in the works of Albert Ellis and his rational-emotive psychotherapy. then the approach is based on the idea that we: A). We ourselves are responsible for our own emotions B). Our emotions often do not arise spontaneously, but as a consequence of a certain kind of thoughts. Unpleasant emotions and states very often arise as a result of repetitive, stereotypical, automatic thoughts. These latter automatic thoughts are essentially some simple beliefs, “hackneyed truths,” some everyday rules that we learned at an early age from one source or another , but which have little in common with the real state of things in life. And when a person lives by these initially false rules, when these automatic thoughts are periodically activated in his head, then various problems arise. These problems are expressed from inside a person’s head in moments when general dissatisfaction with one’s own life accumulates, a depressive background mood, difficulties in communicating with people, and so on - you can’t list it all. A person is capable of creating an infinite number of bad experiences for himself :-) And psychologists and doctors often work with these actual “problems”, long and painstakingly, with varying success. And at the core is one single automatic thought, a false belief about the world. And no matter how hard you work, something new will always come out of it :-). You don't have to look far for examples. Here it is from frequent automatic thoughts-beliefs: “EVERYONE SHOULD LOVE AND SUPPORT ME.” A person lives with such a conviction, perhaps even almost without realizing it. And this creates a lot of negative experiences for him. Well, off the top of my head, what could torment such a person? - Resentment. Such a person is offended by any more or less visible manifestations of lack of love and support from others. I have a work friend who takes public transport twice a day. And twice a day she experiences extreme stress because of how people treat her. They jostle, carelessly step on her feet, somehow look at her in the wrong way, don’t give up their place, many ladies ironically, as it seems to her, discuss her appearance, well, etc. They don’t like her, in general. At work it’s even worse: orders are given in the wrong tone, they communicate on the phone in the wrong way, the wrong amount of work is prescribed... And every day she spends a lot of mental energy on these grievances instead of simply admitting within herself that she loved her from the very beginning no one is obliged. And treat others precisely from these positions. But what about the fact that many people behave really rudely towards us, even if we do not expect unconditional love from them?? I personally like this method, which I read from Anthony Robbins: “Suppose the same waitress talking to you speaks to you harshly and unrestrainedly. Like, come on, order quickly!! But try to look at the world through her eyes. What state has she come to after time before meeting you, why is she talking to you like that? What was supposed to happen to her?? Such awareness of another person changes a lot, doesn’t it? - Shyness. Shame is such a very interesting social feeling. Just imagine that you wanted to pick your nose! :-) Well, you wanted and wanted, so you took it and picked it. And we calmly began to live with it. What if, suddenly, you find out that while you were poking around, you were secretly being filmed on television. And in the evening this story about you will be shown on the news on the federal channel?? This is where shame will most likely arise. I always feel ashamed in front of someone. In many life moments, sty performs a positive function. But very, very often it also plays a negative limiting role. And at the core is the same simple hackneyed truth: “Everyone should love and support me.” And away we go: A man is going to speak in front of an audience. And immediately these thoughts and thoughts: “What if they don’t listen... What if someone doesn’t like it... What if...?":-)))