I want to discuss with you 10 “buts”, because of which, in my opinion, a person wants, but does not go to a psychologist. And, unfortunately, that is why he does not receive the help that he could have received. You can use the list to find your “BUT” and familiarize yourself with it. “Expensive.” Indeed, a psychologist is not the most budgetary item of expenditure. This is explained by the fact that to become a psychologist a person spends significant financial and time costs. And, as a result, no matter how loud it may sound, it can help the client radically rebuild his life - improve relationships with himself and other people; do not waste your life on goals that are not truly “his”; make your life more satisfied and meaningful; increase income and quality of life, etc. Once upon a time, a family psychologist helped save my husband and I’s marriage. Yes, of course, we also made efforts to do this, but I am convinced that at that moment we could not have done it ourselves. There wouldn't be enough skills. It’s like really wanting to drive a car, but not yet understanding how, and ultimately not driving. We had 10 meetings. The cost of an hour was 6,000 rubles. I won’t say that this is small money for us. But my husband and I have never felt such tenderness and closeness as after working with a psychologist. And we were in a relationship for about 7 years! 60,000 rubles - is it expensive or not for saving a marriage and changing the quality of relationships? Here, of course, everyone will have their own answer. “Suddenly I will say stupid things, and the psychologist will not understand me/will laugh/condemn me.” The psychologist will not give grades, as was the case with all of us at school. He has no such task. The task of a psychologist is to understand how your psyche works and help you understand it so that you can solve your difficulties. Relatively speaking, we are watching a film about your life, exploring reactions and actions without assessing “bad”/“good”, but with the questions “how does it work?” and “how can you help yourself?” Also, a psychologist is a person who has been in therapy for a long time and explores his different facets. That is, he works to accept himself as different - envious, not always understanding everything, making mistakes, ignorant, arrogant, and so on. A psychologist is an ordinary living person, no matter how it may seem otherwise. “What if I don’t understand the psychologist.” The task of a psychologist is to speak in the most accessible language and as much as the other person needs. For my part, I try to explain complex things as simply as possible - even with cats and dogs, the main thing is that it is clear to the client. “It’s scary to tell a stranger about secrets, in case someone finds out about it.” A psychologist has a code of ethics, that is, a set of rules that he follows. One of the clauses of the code obliges the psychologist to maintain confidentiality. I respect the confidentiality rules. You don’t have to worry that what is discussed at the session will remain within the scope of our office. Sometimes I, like other psychologists, take supervision from colleagues (analysis of client cases with more experienced colleagues), but even there I change most of the information about the client (name, age, place of residence, some facts from the client’s life).“ It’s hard to tell a stranger any details about yourself.” You can tell the psychologist what is safe and comfortable for you at the moment. With a psychologist, as with other people, it takes time to build a relationship. And it's normal that you don't want to tell everything right away. This is not necessary. In a few months he will become less of a stranger to you, and in a year, perhaps, you will be able to trust him with more. “What new can a psychologist say? I already know everything myself.” There is a common misconception that a psychologist is a specialist in life problems. They say he is like a friend who will give advice. But if this were so, then, most likely, his services would cost much less 😊 A psychologist is a mental specialist, he knows how it works. The psychologist does not say: “Just go and do it” or “You need to do this and that” (although, of course, there are such approaches in psychology). It helps to understand WHAT IS INTERFERING in the psychedo what you want and HOW to do it. Many of us understand what the problem is, but starting to act differently is what is difficult. I can understand that I need to say “no” to others, but I can’t decide to do so. And often it seems to a person that the problem is in one thing, but it is actually in another. It’s difficult to look at yourself from the outside and notice your blind spots. This requires another person. “You’ll take the money, but you won’t get in touch.” Here we are talking more about scammers, not about psychologists. I have a diploma in education and many certificates that are publicly available on the Internet. When contacting a psychologist, you can ask him for educational documents. You have every right. Also, for example, I work “in white”, pay taxes and after prepayment I immediately send a check for payment for the consultation - this also “insures” the client. “They say that working with a psychologist means digging deep into childhood for years.” There are different methods in psychology. Some are indeed quite focused on working with childhood. But there are other methods. For example, I work mainly in the Gestalt approach. This method, on the contrary, is focused on the present. In it, I don’t ask the question “WHY is this happening?”, I ask the question “HOW does it work NOW?” and “what can be done now?” Sometimes it is really necessary to work with the past - with childhood traumas. And for this I, for example, use the short-term EMDR method. Working with childhood in my therapy with clients makes up about 20-30% of all therapy. “Working with a psychologist takes a long time.” It’s true, as a rule, it’s not quick. The psyche needs time to rebuild. The psyche is like a bus - if you brake sharply, then everyone gets caught. I like to give this example here. Let's say you are 30 years old. Since most of the difficulties, whether we like it or not, come from childhood, then with the usual reactions you lived for about 30 years * 365 days a year * 16 hours a day (excluding sleep) = 175,200 hours. 175 THOUSAND! Can you imagine how much this is? What can 2-7 sessions (that is, 2-7 hours) do against 175,200 thousand? Of course, the condition can be alleviated in several meetings. Sometimes I receive messages from clients with words of gratitude and relief even after 1-2 sessions. “I started working. It doesn't seem all that hopeless to me. I started to smile,” they write. But for deep changes (perception of oneself and others, restructuring of relationships and attitudes towards oneself, searching for answers to the questions: “Who am I? What do I like? Where am I going? What am I?”) requires more time. From 3, 6 months to 1, 2, 3 years of weekly meetings and more. BUT! This does not mean that changes will come only in 3 months, a year, two, three. These changes will happen from session to session and you will get better and better. One by one, the issues will be resolved. Sometimes clients come for half a year and that’s enough for them. Sometimes they become so interested in getting to know themselves that they work for several years. One way or another, while you work with a psychologist, your life goes on and on. You don’t put it on pause, as some people sometimes think. “What if I invest a lot of money and time, but it doesn’t help me? The psychologist does not give guarantees.” In fact, in most of the cases that we start, there are no guarantees either. It's the same story in psychology. According to research, whether a client gets results or not depends 40% on the client himself. Can you imagine 40%?! That's almost half. Where several people take part and such subtle matters as the psyche are affected, the psychologist cannot give guarantees. But in everyday affairs we are faced with a similar story. When you turn to a trainer or nutritionist to lose weight, you have no guarantee that it will work. And even if you plan to do it yourself, there are no guarantees either. The only difference is whether we act or not despite the lack of guarantees (and no one has them). The psychologist, for his part, can guarantee that he will do everything possible to do the work efficiently. And, as a rule, if you try, then a fairly good result is almost inevitable. If you decide to work with a psychologist and would like.