Sometimes I meet people who see nothing wrong with being beaten by their parents as children. Moreover, they say: “They did the right thing!”, “There was a reason to beat me, I did such a thing!”, “But I grew up to be a normal person,” “They should have spanked me harder so that it wouldn’t become common practice.” Such justifications for parental beatings speak of that a person has joined the parental model of force and accepted physical violence as the norm. However, let's look at what parental beatings actually lead to. First, the sense of basic security (which constantly accompanies the background sense of oneself in the world) is disrupted. Parents are the most important and closest people in a child’s life; he copies his life model from them. Next to beating parents, a child needs to always be on guard, he needs to defend himself. There is a feeling that life is dangerous and can “fly in” at any moment from any direction. A model is being formed - the world is dangerous. Such children, and then adults, frankly speaking, have little courage. They are afraid to express themselves. They will be wary of people and situations, and will take maximum precautions and protect themselves. Secondly, building close relationships becomes very difficult. Because experience learned from childhood - close people are dangerous, they can cause violence and pain. You need to protect yourself from them, they need to be closely monitored and controlled so as not to accidentally end up “under attack” again. Thirdly, beating is physical violence that traumatizes the child’s psyche. The child is not able to process all the feelings that arise in connection with his parents’ beatings. And so there is a fixation, a stuckness. He is forced to suppress, repress all these feelings. He is ashamed that he is so bad that he was beaten. He feels worthless, guilty, hurt and afraid. And he is very angry and feels injustice! After all, he did not expect this from the closest and most important people in his life. And no one will help him with this; he remains completely alone with all these feelings. A child cannot protect himself from his parents. He has nowhere to go. He is also unlikely to be able to express his anger to his parents, because he is afraid of being beaten again. And this anger lives in him blocked, unrealized, and grows up with him. Subsequently, he may not even understand his sometimes causeless outbursts of anger at the slightest reason. Or it can transform into a bodily reaction - psychosomatics. Trauma from parental beatings can be worked through in psychotherapy. If this topic resonates with you, I invite you to psychotherapy. Sign up for a consultation by phone. 8-916-603-6553 Sincerely, Psychologist Yulia Ogneva