Today we will talk about emotional dependence in relationships. And let's consider how it manifests itself in close, blood-related relationships - with parents and children. This cunning lady is a brilliant actress! The most unpleasant thing is that it is quite difficult to recognize her true face, since she has a great variety of masks and outfits, and even if you managed to call her by her name, it is not clear how to get rid of her sticky obsession, which causes a lot of mental torment and suffering. I will give you a few examples: You and your children. You fall into a state of anxiety and worry if your son or daughter, already students, is late for the appointed time to go home. As a rule, this happens in the evening. Or the child does not answer the phone call, and if he is also studying in another city, then the anxiety level begins to go off scale. It must be said that such reactions are also typical for mothers of schoolchildren, that is, in situations where the child goes somewhere independently ( training, music, art, choreography schools, walks with friends). What do you usually feel? From fear that something has happened, the most terrible and irreparable, to a painful feeling of resentment “How can he (s) do this, he (s) ) knows that I’m worried, no respect, no gratitude, unscrupulous, and so on.” Or the feeling of guilt also comes in: “I didn’t pay attention, I raised him wrong, I’m a bad mother, I didn’t create conditions for the child, I didn’t explain well.” “What’s possible, what’s not, what’s good, what’s bad, and so on.” The variations are endless, it depends on your imagination and temperament. Are you familiar with such states? Most likely, you call this behavior a manifestation of love, attention and care. You and your parents. Parents control you, require daily attention from you, regular detailed reports about what is happening in your life, following parental advice (only they are the most correct !), are criticized for your indifference, ingratitude, and incorrect behavior. You love your parents very much, parents are sacred! But how painful and offensive it is sometimes to hear unfair criticism from them! “I’m not a child!!! How can they not understand?!?! Why are they doing this to me?” And somewhere there is a hidden fear, because because of you, mom and dad are so worried, but they are no longer young, and their health is not good. And then there’s the feeling of guilt nearby: “I must (must) do everything to make my parents feel good, otherwise I’m a bad daughter (bad son)!” Et cetera.What do you call your condition in this case? A manifestation of love, attention, care? Take a closer look, this is our familiar magnificent actress - emotional dependence - dressed up in chic outfits of Love, Attention and Care! With her external shine, she skillfully diverts our gaze from her true face, behind which fear, resentment and guilt are hidden. Fear, resentment and guilt are feelings that arise in childhood, when the child’s life directly depends on the parents. Only they can provide the child with shelter, food, and warmth. Without this, the child simply will not survive. The most common fears are the fear of losing a loved one, his love, the fear of loneliness, rejection, rejection, the fear of being helpless, the fear of not living up to the expectations of loved ones. Resentment is an expression of the internal position “I am good, they are bad” . A strong internal conflict arises - “HOW did it happen that my parents turned out to be bad because they treated me so badly? It can not be so! But it still happened!” The child simply does not know how to cope with the emotional problem that has arisen. And therefore, feelings associated with resentment are shoved deeper in order to forget about them as quickly as possible. Do you know the expression: “Swallow a grudge”? Guilt reflects the attitude “they are good, I am bad.” And feeling guilty, the child begins to adapt with all his might and tries to please his parents, because this is the only way he or she can become a good boy or girl and earn praise and love. But this.