I’ll say right away that in this text I won’t even try to tell everything in detail. Here I will only outline some points that you can note in order to obtain new information for self-analysis. We will call childhood attitudes those that were formed at a fairly early age, when you simply could not be critical of your own thoughts. Therefore, do not be surprised if now they seem strange, illogical or stupid to you - when they appeared, you could not yet notice it. To try to track children's attitudes and rules, do the following. Remember a stressful situation Under the influence of stress, it is difficult to think rationally. This means that those patterns in which we believe more strongly are turned on. And we believe more in what we have been using for a long time, that is, since childhood. Therefore, remember a stressful situation in which emotions interfered with rational and consistent thinking. What was your attention focused on? If you think and act irrationally at a moment of extreme stress, it means that your attention is controlled not by you, but by your habitual response mechanisms. Under stress, attention constantly comes to what seems most dangerous to this threat recognition mechanism. Remember what was in your area of ​​attention until you came out of stress. Why did it seem dangerous? The process of comprehension cannot be stopped. Even under stress, on purpose or not on purpose, you try to understand what it all means. You definitely attributed some meaning to what your attention was focused on. Think which one? Why did the scary seem scary? What did it mean to you? What did you believe at that moment? Familiarity with the threat recognition mechanism has now led you to the point that you know your “enemy” by sight: your attention was kept on something most dangerous, because it promised something even more terrible. It's time to see: did you believe at that moment that you would be saved? And if so, what exactly did you believe in: what should you do to avoid the worst? Presumably this will be your children's installation. Check in other situations If you have correctly found and formulated your attitude, you will be able to notice that it works in other situations, sometimes associated with a different stressor altogether. Check it out. If in other circumstances you believed in the same path of salvation, then you have correctly defined your attitude. Example: Stressful situation: exam What your attention was focused on: how other students behave - do they repeat tickets, are they worried, how many questions have you learned, what grades do they get? Why did it seem dangerous: if everything is bad for them, then everything will be bad for me. If not, then I have hope too. If I don’t know exactly how others are doing, I’ll be too afraid to go to the examiner and I’ll forget everything. What did you believe at that moment: If I stop comparing myself to others, my fear will go through the roof and I won’t be able to do well pass the examCheck in other situations Even after graduating from university, at work, I also compare myself with others all the time. I think that thanks to this I will be able to fulfill my responsibilities better. In the family, if I have to make a difficult decision (for example, how to spend a large amount of money), I make sure to find out from all relatives, friends and acquaintances what they think about it. It seems to me that otherwise I will not be able to make a decision. But after you have found your installation, it makes sense to look into childhood: when did I first think like that? In what situations did I decide that this would be correct, and that this strategy would save me from trouble? The proposed analysis scheme will almost certainly not help get rid of problems - it is better to contact a specialist for this. There are a lot of nuances in this work. It is no coincidence that people have been studying psychological assistance for more than one year. But if you do at least this, you will better begin to understand your own way of thinking in moments of stress. You can get more information about psychology in accessible language in my VKontakte group"