From the author: The article was published on the author’s LiveJournal: Today during the lecture we discussed with the audience an issue that arises from time to time in the psychotherapeutic space. Who is to blame if therapy fails? What is the therapist responsible for, what is the client responsible for? And how can a therapist maintain self-respect in the event of failure? In my opinion, in every long-term psychotherapeutic story, sooner or later something like disappointment arises, and the following question arises: why is everything changing so slowly in the client’s life, why problems do not disappear, and happiness does not comes, has the therapy reached a dead end, and what can one hope for? The situation is quite difficult for both participants in the process: the therapist is clear about the patient’s complaints: a lot of time and money have been spent, patience has run out, and the expected transformations have not occurred... And he can feel yourself as a deceiver. On the other hand, the therapist understands that a lot of time is still needed to solve many of the problems that the client poses for therapy, although it seems to him that it is time... In addition, there are things in life and in the character of the client that, in principle, cannot be changed, with which you need to come to terms and learn to live. It is clear that in this situation, a crisis in the relationship between the therapist and the patient is inevitable. How to resolve it? As a therapist, in such cases I rely on the following points: First. For me, it is a good sign that the issue is being raised and discussed. It is necessary to make a reconciliation from time to time - to compare the desires and expectations of the patients with the desires and expectations of the therapist. It seems to me that this is not true when they say that the therapist works according to the client’s request - in any case, it is not always true. I think, whether overt or hidden, the therapist always has his own idea of ​​what his client needs to develop. The therapist also has his own understanding of what will allow him to consider working with a given client successful. Another thing is that the patient may be unaware of the therapist’s plans. And then they will be a very strange duet: each on their own wavelength, each blowing their own trumpet and producing their own melody. This is why it is extremely important to stop and agree on “what we are playing now.” Or we don't play anymore. Then let's run away. Here I come to the next point of support, which allows me, as a therapist, to refrain from self-depreciation when the client leaves therapy, expressing his dissatisfaction with the result. This is professional integrity. Understanding that you tried and did what you thought was right: you adequately assessed your capabilities, you had your own idea of ​​how to help this client, you did not exploit him, did not manipulate him, took supervision in cases of difficulties - all this allows sleep peacefully at night and recover quickly in cases of professional failure. The third point of support is my own experience of undergoing therapy. Personally, I have always somehow recognized whether this therapy is useful for me or not, this therapist is right for me or not, is there something valuable for me in working with this therapist or is it “just a waste of time”? It has happened that the therapist is a “pleasant person in all respects,” but you feel that he is not yours. It also happens the other way around... Now, going through analysis, I note that not every session is as full and intense as I would like, but I am calm because I understand that this is a long process, and, in general, I am satisfied with the strategy. Perhaps this experience allows me to respond more calmly to clients' complaints - I have trust in their ability to take care of themselves and feel what they need. And if they came to the understanding that I, as a specialist, am not suitable for them, then no matter how brilliant I am, I will not be useful to them. And their right to look for something more suitable. And that doesn't make me any less of a genius.:)