From the author: Congruence, authentic feelings... These things are basic for a person to feel okay. But often he experiences not them, but those that his parents laid down in his life scenario in childhood. It happens that a person works, Works, Works all his life, is a winner everywhere and in everything. And at the age of 50 he understands that that’s it. Can't do it anymore. That's not how I lived. Drops everything and goes to rest. Only on vacation he again: catches the most fish, flies the farthest, and if there is no one to compete with, he suffers... And it happens that a person suffers, suffers, suffers all his life: and husbands leave one after another, and doctors never help, and children are all poor students . Bad luck in life, what can I say... There is such a thing in psychology as “racket feelings”. This is a feeling that was fixed and encouraged in childhood. This is a feeling experienced in various stressful situations and is not conducive to adult problem solving. “You must be a winner!” - parents said in childhood. And now this feeling haunts a person all his life. He must be the first in everything and everywhere. And in conflicts as well. This is why (not only, of course, but also why) a person gets involved in those situations where he can get this feeling. The leading emotion is triumph. A child who has benefited from being sick since childhood (he is immediately handed a jar of jam with other “sugary medicines”), suffering, often chooses exactly those situations where he can experience the feeling of a loser, an eternally unlucky person. And the rake is repeated until he realizes it. The feeling of abandonment in an adult often becomes the leading emotion if his parents left him for a long time in childhood. Racket is a replay of outdated strategies of behavior that were often adopted in childhood and helped in those distant times. Racket feelings are part of a life script (a life plan drawn up by a child in childhood - for example, to remain alone). They trigger scripted behavior (behavior that implements this life plan), and unconsciously. They do not provide an opportunity to solve the problem “here and now”; they are not suitable for resolving intrapersonal or interpersonal conflict. In order to distinguish authentic (true) emotions from racketeering ones, you can perform the following exercise: conduct an audit of your feelings (emotions) and correlate them with situations. How often are they repeated? How would I feel if I found myself in this situation again??