How does mom get us into traumatic relationships with men. Hello, Yulia! ☺ Your letter about a loser and his wife is about us husbands. For my mother, I have always been and am a “scumbag”; as a child, she set other girls as examples for me (and I secretly beat them for this). And my biggest dream was to be a boy. Mom lives with us and controls my every step. Her husband is always on her side. It is impossible to leave, she is very sick. But I don’t know what I am, what I want, why I live. I’m not there, there’s a robot who always owes something. My husband works for pennies and plays on the computer. Doesn't want to achieve anything. Can you give me some advice??***Hello. There are no tips or directives in the analytical approach. However, I really want you to leave your mother. But not so much in external reality, but in your head. After this, you will definitely have the resource to change your life for the better. What do I mean when I talk about “divorcing” your mother. Your mother is not only a real person, but and internal object – i.e. a figure inside your psyche. And her image is presented there, in your inner world, in the form of attitudes. If you follow this image, you will see that it does the SAME thing to you as your mother does and did. And then it turns out that in life, regardless of presence of your mother, you are already doing to yourself the same way as she did. In order to see this, I suggest you do a small exercise. Write down everything that, according to your observations and feelings, your mother thinks about you. Write exactly like this: “Mom thinks that I am: A scumbag, Worse than other girls, I can’t handle anything, and therefore my every move needs to be monitored ... " Etc. Now try to see when you treat or allow others to treat you like “ a scumbag,” as if you are worse than others, etc. This is THAT inner Mom you need to divorce. Before which you need to start defending yourself. Which you need to start FORBIDDING to humiliate and offend yourself. And then your reality will begin to change. And then, perhaps, you will have the resource to arrange your life separately from your mother. Or some other way, but so that your mother does not constantly injure you. And then, perhaps, your husband will stop being on your mother’s side and will become YOUR husband, and not your mother’s. After all, in fact, life has many options. And only negative attitudes prevent us from seeing and using these options. Start working on restoring yourself as good, correct, deserving of respect and love. And for this you, as well as all my subscribers. I invite you to the project “Meetings on Jungian territory”. On October 22, an online seminar “Adam and Eve - the path to each other” will take place. At the seminar you will understand your role in the family system, where there are losers and persecutors, you will see how mother influences “failure” of your husband. And you will begin to correct this scenario. With faith in your happiness, psychologist Julia Li. Write to me at: [email protected]