From the author: archive of a family psychologist Why is enuresis “needed”? Background. This was in ancient times, when the Internet was not even dreamed of. There were also not enough psychologists per capita. And people with their troubles and problems turned... to the newspaper editor. At that time, as a family psychologist, editorial offices periodically called me with a request to comment on this or that letter. Recently I was sorting out my papers and found publications under the heading “Psychologist and Me.” Some of the cases described are quite interesting, and I decided to share them. (Names of clients have been changed) Letter Dear newspaper employees...! I am contacting you with my problem. My grandson (he is 4 years old) pees when he sleeps. And both day and night. During the night, it sometimes “floats away” 2-3 times. We tried waking him up when he was dry, but it was no use. A little time passes - he is already wet. We were examined at a regional hospital by a neurologist, psychiatrist, and urologist - everything was fine. But the grandson is suffering a lot, and we are worried. He goes to kindergarten after all. God forbid children tease. What also worries me is that my grandson was aggressive towards me. When my daughter-in-law was studying and leaving for sessions, I was left alone with him. This was the perfect child. He obeyed us unquestioningly, we read a lot, walked, and rode the bus. He still remembers it. But only the parents come to the door - he is “not friends” with me. At one time he hit me on the head, and tried to do it as painfully as possible. They scolded me for this, but it didn’t help. One day I picked up two sewing needles and threatened that if they hit me, I’ll prick them. My daughter-in-law didn’t like this method of education, but my grandson didn’t beat me anymore. I don’t yell at the child, but I don’t babysit either, like everyone else in the family. My son’s family is normal, the son doesn’t drink or smoke. There was no suitable work in the regional center where we live, so he doesn’t work nearby. He is rarely at home, but he pays attention to his son. My daughter-in-law works here. I understand that something needs to be done, but I don’t know what. Apparently, the answer needs to be sought deeper, perhaps in each of us. Lyudmila Ilyinichna G. Comment Yes, Lyudmila Ilyinichna is right - the reasons must be sought deeper, in the relationships of family members. Every time I start working with a specific family, I gradually understand how the “symptom” (in this case, enuresis) is built into the family system, how it is “needed” in this family, how logical it is. “What is it needed for if they want to get rid of it?” - many will be surprised. The fact is that each symptom “makes life easier” for the family, as it makes it possible not to raise difficult topics and not discuss unpleasant things. So, dad is far away; in fact, women spend most of the time with the child - mother and grandmother. From the letter one gets the impression that Lyudmila Ilyinichna’s relationship with her daughter-in-law is not easy, and in a sense, the boy has become a hostage to this difficult situation. And this occurs quite often in family therapy and is called a “conflict of loyalties.” You ask, what kind of animal is this? Remember, you probably have seen adults ask a child: “Who do you love more – mom or dad?” This is a very tough question. Adults doom the child to internal conflict: if he answers that he loves his mother, he will betray his father and vice versa. Not every child will think of showing loyalty to both parents. If we return to the family of Lyudmila Ilyinichna, here the boy drowned in a conflict of loyalties without any quotes, swimming every night in wet sheets. “Only my parents are on the doorstep - he’s no longer friends with me,” the grandmother complains. For some reason, the child cannot show his affection for her - this would be a betrayal of his mother. And you will have to show your loyalty to your mother through aggression towards your grandmother. Mom doesn't like grandma's parenting methods, but the boy.