Oh, loneliness, how cool your character is! Shining with an iron compass, How coldly you close the circle, Heedless of useless assurances. B. Akhmadullina Why hello, divorce and goodbye, loneliness? We are accustomed to the fact that divorce is “hello, loneliness.” But don't rush to conclusions. Let's analyze what happens to a person when he goes through a divorce. Let's assume that you have separated from your spouse, with whom you lived for several years (tens of years). It is to you that I will now turn. Reason for divorce? There can be a huge number of reasons. Most likely, you did everything possible to save your relationship and marriage. But you have to declare the end of the marriage. In your hands you hold a passport, in which it is written in black and white “The marriage is dissolved.” You look at this record and don’t understand how you can suddenly dissolve what you have been creating for years or even decades. You are hurt and offended. You are perplexed: “How could he?!” And you're also scared. It’s scary because you don’t know whether you will be able to meet a truly loved one in the future. And will you be able to open up to him after the collapse of your previous relationship? You are distracted from sad experiences at work, in communication with friends. But come home to an empty apartment, and sadness and melancholy fall upon you again. You also clearly feel angry at your ex-partner for giving up on you so easily. "How could he?!" - sounds again and again. The pain intensifies many times over if your ex-partner has left for another woman, and you are completely alone. You meet this sweet couple in the city and are ready to howl with pain and resentment. But you only press your lips tighter, lower your head even lower and move on into your loneliness, saying to yourself: “Lord, why?” Stop! Here we will dwell on this point in more detail. So, the question was “For what?” To this question you answer: “I’m an idiot”, “A loser”, “I’m a bad wife”, “I’m old, ugly and, in general, I’m a fool!” Do you know that the very formulation of the question is fundamentally wrong? Let's ask the question differently: "What is all this for?" or "What is all this for?" The first question asks the following: “To change in life!” The answer to the second question is not so obvious. And my clients and I are looking for an answer to it through joint work. Let's do this with you right now. For example, let's take a woman who has separated from her husband and feels even worse than before the divorce. She was left alone (?) with small children. So, the question is "why?" The answer to it: to changes in life. What kind of life changes does this divorce lead to for this particular woman? Most likely, her husband left for someone else. That is, he was unfaithful. And she lived for him and the children, worked and did not notice much. Namely, the fact that she lived these years not for herself, but for him and other people. And, accordingly, she did not live her life. That is, she did not realize her desires. Yes, in fact, she didn’t have any desires. Except for those that were directly related to her man. And when a breakup occurs, the woman comes face to face with a real personal crisis. Immediately after the divorce, she was tormented by questions like: “How can I live now if there is no one to live for?” “Why did he leave me if I did everything for him?!” What is all this for? Let's assume there is a change. If this woman begins to see that she has not really lived her life, then change seems likely to lead her to start living her life. Further more. Questions begin to arise: “How to live your life? I don’t know how to do it?!” And then the search for answers to the questions begins: “What do I want?”, “Who am I?”, “What am I?”, “What do I want to achieve?” These are not easy questions. Ideally, we should have answers to them before entering into marriage and a serious relationship. But, as they say, better late than never! Let's move on. The woman comes to the understanding that she does not have her own desires, and never had one. And understand to yourself, “Who is she and what is she like?” - this is a serious task for her. I dare to suggest that it is the divorce that will have to!