In consultations, quite often you come across people who structure their behavior in accordance with the opinions of others. At the same time, they secretly disagree with them, but are forced to adapt to the expectations of others. The roots of many problems, including this one, are in childhood. First, the life of a child depends on his parents. When parents are unpredictable, their actions cause anxiety and fear, then the child is forced to adapt, to predict the parents’ expectations. Secondly, if early childhood experiences were accompanied by traumatic circumstances, then difficult and unbearable feelings led to splitting. The sense of Self, which should be continuous, is interrupted. Third, when parents are not able to empathize and respond to the real needs of the child, his feelings and experiences do not exist for him. These three reasons are present in different proportions among those who understand that they are not living their own lives.D. Winnicott believes that: If a child knows how to use his states of arousal in relationships with others, without experiencing unreasonable anxiety, he can build meaningful relationships that will include elements of healthy aggression, affection, pleasure and play. If this process collides with obstacles, the child may resort to defenses: to protect the “core”, he focuses on the “shell”. A person’s inability to realize himself stems from the experience of rejection. When there were insufficient responses to his emotions from significant adults, he did not have the support he needed to develop his self. Or it was the experience of an overprotective relationship, when the parent suppressed the child’s desire for independence. In both cases, a significant adult does not sufficiently value the child's personal experience and undermines his faith in his ability to influence the situation. Thus, the personality becomes split into a false self, necessary for adaptation to the environment, and a true self - innate potential, which is buried under a protective shell. According to Winnicott, a child's potential will not develop without maternal care. That is why, in adulthood, people who have not received enough maternal care in the form of sensitive attitude, understanding, reverent care, feel the need to discover their true selves. The desire for authenticity is an important goal for these people. Their stories often include stories of physical or sexual abuse, lack of emotional connection, experiences of loneliness, sadistic harassment, hostile rejection, and constant expressions of disapproval and criticism. So many stories can be forgotten and suppressed by these people. And only this phrase “It’s like I’m not living my own life” will remind you of long-forgotten, unhealed wounds. And this is a reason to see a psychologist and undergo personal therapy. Authenticity involves a deep and stable sense of self. It is this feeling that is the basis for the formation of mature interpersonal relationships and strengthening of identity.