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Fears in children can be both a reaction to situations of danger experienced in extreme circumstances, and as a result of broken parent-child relationships. The child is afraid of the dark, the wolf, wakes up in the middle of the night from a nightmare - all this can be part of the experience of a broken, oppressive, lost relationship with the parent. In fear, there is always an introjected, split part of the frightening mother or father, which the child’s psyche cannot accept along with the good part of the parent, and then the evil, scary Baba Yaga or another character becomes its carrier. There are many techniques for working with children’s fears, but I would emphasize attention is not on the consequences of disrupted parent-child relationships in the form of fear, but on eliminating its causes. For example, a parent complains that the child is afraid to be left at home alone, but it is natural to feel a sense of danger when alone for a child younger than school age; accordingly, the parent needs to understand and feel what the child is going through when left alone at home and save him from this suffering by simply not leaving him him alone. The child may experience fear of being punished if the parent uses methods of punishment that are too frequent and inadequate for the child’s misdemeanor. I observe a picture of the relationship between a child and a mother on the street; for any action of the child that is not acceptable from the mother’s point of view, she announces: “You will be deprived of a walk for 10 minutes!” It is obvious that in such harsh and unpredictable conditions, the mother will get a neurotic who obeys her. Punishment, in my opinion, is the most extreme measure of education and, most importantly, it is far from the only one; you can try to explain to the child why his behavior may be inappropriate or cause discomfort to others. It would also be nice for the mother herself to understand what worries her more - the child’s behavior or what others will think of her when they observe her child’s “wrong” behavior, since the mother’s narcissistic fear of being judged for maternal failure can be stronger than empathy to your child. To help a child cope with fear, you need to help the mother learn to turn to her inner child, this means, by immersing herself in the situation of a child experiencing the anger of a parent, understand and accept the feelings that he/she is experiencing at this moment and protect yourself, and therefore your child, from these experiences, for example, with a children's saying: devil, devil go away! A lullaby will always help to establish emotional contact and relax tension, even if you don’t know how to sing, just the sound of your voice in silence will already establish a thread of acceptance between you and your child. A soft toy that suddenly “speaks” in your voice and takes pity on your baby, pats him on the head, hugs him with your gentle hands will be another assistant in physical closeness, which any child so needs and which helps to forgive a “bad” mother. Important also help the child express anger, resentment towards the parent; pillow fights or playfully throwing soft toys at each other, funny nicknames that the child can come up with to express his dissatisfaction with the parent and his punishments are suitable. It is also important to remember that any action a child is not an assessment of his personality, and the child himself can and should be forgiven, and his guilt can be corrected, as well as the guilt of a parent. Working with a child’s fears is, first of all, working to restore emotionally comfortable contact between a parent and a child, in which the child is not is afraid of his parent, and mom and dad raise the child not by intimidation, but by support, encouragement, explanation, empathy, acceptance.

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