Full-fledged successful relationships are one of the integral parts of a good life, an important area of ​​human fulfillment. When relationships don't work out, quality of life plummets. Often the reason for the collapse of a relationship is the wrong strategy for building it on the part of one, or rather both, partners. One grabs the rotten baton and passes it to the other, and so they play “infection” in a circle, if anyone remembers such a children’s game. Why is this happening? Why not just take it and start building relationships in a normal way? Firstly, successful relationships presuppose a high degree of intimacy, which is not restrained by resentment and constant dissatisfaction, and both one and both partners may not be ready to accept it. Such intimacy requires the ability to accept oneself and another with perfections and imperfections. Secondly, people may not have experience in building relationships according to constructive models, because they were not taught in the family. But they taught a scenario model that constantly leads a person to the same dead end. Scripted means repetitive, automatic, aimed at unconsciously achieving a certain result, but often this result is far from happiness and well-being. Work on relationships needs to be done in both directions. And if articles cannot help you in accepting yourself in any way, then you can talk about the wrong strategies in relationships and common scenario methods. Any relationship is an exchange of emotional “strokes.” The violations of this exchange are based on the prohibitions that the parents communicated to the person through the way they built relationships with him when he was a child. The main prohibitions: • You cannot give yourself “strokes” This prohibition is deciphered as you cannot praise yourself, approve of yourself, this is always someone else has to do it. As a result, a person develops emotional dependence, which does not allow the emergence of a full-fledged relationship. For example, in a situation of disapproval by his partner, Ivan falls into an unstable, anxious state, he feels like “UG”, all his strength is spent on feelings of guilt and attempts to regain the approval and favor of his partner. But the situation does not end there; Ivan is left with a residue of “self-oppression”, for which he unconsciously blames his partner, which causes in him an unconscious desire to take revenge on his partner. This is how the baton is passed in this case. • You cannot accept strokes This is a rule that you cannot accept praise, approval, gratitude, or declarations of “love and importance” from another person. Following this rule does not allow one to accept one’s value for other people; a person doubts that he is significant to a partner and is constantly looking for confirmation of this; naturally, he finds it, gets offended, falls into the position of a victim, in which he suffers for some time, and then unknowingly offends in return. . Here's the relay for you. • You can’t give strokes. The opposite rule to the previous one prohibits approving, praising, thanking and other direct ways of showing your partner his value for himself. It is based on the fear of showing a sincere need for a partner and being rejected, abandoned, available, and losing one’s value for a partner. For example, Elena constantly “trains” Victor, reacts coldly to gifts, devalues ​​confessions, is late for dates, in other words, constantly demonstrates the insignificance of her partner for herself. And the appropriate partner was chosen - with a ban on accepting strokes. As a result, their relationship resembles a game of cat and mouse. What will happen if Elena shows importance to Victor? Most likely, Victor will unconsciously close himself off from “stroking”; interest in Elena will also seem to disappear. But in fact, his unconscious desire to take revenge on Elena for the months of “humiliation” will come into play. And Elena will feel that her edelweiss souls are being trampled on again, and will confirm her conclusion that no one should be given strokes. Both Elena and Victor will receive their scripted ending in the relationship, both will decide that “there is no love.” That is"