Life is so arranged that at some point we make a decision to enter into a relationship, we are in it, we solve problems, we improve our selfhood in it, we grow, but... someone like this comes along the moment when one of you has to bury a beloved and irreplaceable friend. Of course, one can protect oneself from this pain by deliberately designing relationships in such a way that the partner's value is not high, and, accordingly, reducing the pain of loss. This is one way that interdependent relationships interact. The biggest issue with trust in a relationship is not about trusting your partner. This question concerns whether or not you can actually trust yourself. The better your partner, the better your ability to comfort and reassure yourself should be. Loving your partner more than your capacity for self-comfort allows is not safe, especially if you constantly need him to “be there for you.” Your partner will not be able to be there to hold your hand and comfort you when they die. You will go through this all alone. Love is not for the weak, not for those who need to be carefully protected, not for tender hearts. That is why there is so little of it in the world. Love requires strength of character in the face of many difficulties. If our society could take a more realistic view of relationships, we wouldn't put so much pathos into telling people to love and desire each other. Many partners expect to game the system: they hope they die first. This lack of differentiation causes us to adopt an attitude that directly contradicts our intentions: in essence, we want the one we love to suffer more. Our unexpected calculation is simple: “Let you suffer. You’re better than me.” By the way, the release of stress due to the loss of a partner in many fairy tales is expressed with the phrase “They lived happily ever after, and died on the same day.” How many of us are strong enough to love on the real terms that life offers? How many of us can tell our partner: “You go first. I don't want you to die, but your life is yours, just like your death. Leave easily. Don't worry. I'll take care of myself somehow. By holding on to myself with you, I became strong enough to do this.” Of course, many couples, amid endless wars and showdowns, forget about the inevitable finitude of these relationships. And only after losing a partner do they realize how much has not been said and lived.... Relationships that make us grow and create conditions for us to develop love for our partner and for ourselves. Self-development, which triggers your growth in relationships, allows you to survive the loss of your partner. Self-control, self-control, and self-soothing are key skills you learn in relationships that help you be resilient and resilient in the most challenging and stressful situations. And saying goodbye to your partner is one of them. Remember, your relationship is finite. What could you change in them now, so that later you don’t feel bitterness from the “unsaid” and “unfelt”?? Oksana Proskurina, psychologist, coach, author of the LIFING.INFO project based on materials from D. Schnarch