The topic of control and monitoring is close to my heart, I notice it in the stories of clients, myself, loved ones, and acquaintances. For me, this topic is very “convex”, so I will share my vision here. To begin with, it is important to say that control itself is not something absolutely negative, it is only one of the poles in our perception, while at the other pole are spontaneity and confidence. I often notice that the most problematic for us are those personal characteristics that are absolute and inflexible, when there is no possibility of being in the “golden mean”. For example, when a person is planning a trip somewhere, but instead of relaxing, he controls almost every action, and at the other extreme is a completely spontaneous person who will most likely enjoy the vacation, but it is not a fact that he will be on this vacation if he misses the dates, time or forget the necessary documents. Thus, it is the ability to be flexible, combining control and spontaneity, that allows us to be the most adaptive and improve the quality of life. Control can manifest itself both in relation to oneself and in relation to loved ones. Each of us may have individual reasons for the occurrence of controlling behavior, but most often it arises from fears, anxiety, uncertainty, and traumatic experience. Such behavior is associated with fear of the unknown, fear of mistakes and failure, distrust of others, when it seems that only you yourself can sufficiently control something. In relation to yourself and your life, control can manifest itself both in everyday trifles, in behavior, and in general, in total control of the course of his life. To an extreme degree, this may be accompanied by a lack of pleasure and sensitivity, a lack of sincerity and creativity. This can lead to constant fatigue, apathy and depression. In our culture, it is most often customary to talk about physical fatigue, but fatigue also occurs due to constant emotional internal tension. For example, when there is constant anxiety and “self-kicking” towards success, then there is no internal strength left, and the person continues to not understand why there is no energy even if there are days off and actual physical rest. Control is often associated with such mechanisms of interrupting contact as retroflection, introjection and egotism. In paired relationships, control most often leads to codependency. In codependency there are such roles as Rescuer, Victim and Persecutor. The controlling person can find himself in each of these roles. Naturally, he becomes a Persecutor when he controls and puts pressure on a partner or someone close to him. He becomes a rescuer when he rushes with his control to help another and takes full responsibility for him. And the Victim, when he has a secondary benefit from control in the form of the opportunity to suffer and receive social approval, but continues to not share responsibility with another person: “I’m so tired, I feel so bad, but who, if not me.” The habit of control does not appear just like that , everyone has their own story of its appearance, most often associated with childhood experience and family relationships. I know how difficult and unsafe it is to let go of control, because it provides certain functions and stability, otherwise this mechanism would not be preserved. However, I know for sure that even with small steps in therapy, you can learn to live not only in this pole, if you have the desire and this way of life is no longer suitable.