I’ll say right away that I don’t want to write what aggression is, its types and severity of expression; there is a sea of ​​information about this. I really liked how existentialists talk about how this very aggression can be dealt with so that it does not become destructive, does not develop into a feeling of guilt, and does not poison the lives of oneself and others. In the existential approach, one learns to handle aggression and use it for one’s benefit. An outburst of aggression carries a huge energy charge, under the influence of which you can behave in different ways - smash a plate against the wall, yell in a bad voice, or beat your neighbor. And this will be a reaction, the affect, of course, will decrease, but the energy will also be spent nowhere (or destructively, which is even worse), and this is the same as pouring gasoline from a gas tank into the sand. The point is that aggression always protects its sender from something dangerous, intolerable, which one does not want or cannot encounter. Aggression is a feeling of a large scale, and it cannot be obtained about something insignificant or not very important to me, which is why I have the right to have and experience aggression. An outburst of irritation, anger or rage can give us: 1) strength, energy; 2) information, a signal that something has affected me in such a way that I am reacting aggressively and hostilely. And if we want to learn to manage and control our aggression, then it is important to be able to say “yes” to our feeling, accept it, be honest with ourselves, and give space inside to realize what is happening to me. Only then can we somehow proceed further. Another way to put it is: “I won’t have to hate if I allow myself to feel it.” Then the feeling will not get out of control, I myself will control it, and not it - me. And here is a step-by-step algorithm for working with aggression, which existential therapists offer: Step 1: At the moment a feeling of anger arises, it is important to have time to track for yourself: what is the aggression aimed at, who is its true addressee? What bothered me so much? Where is the source of the threat? What is it that I'm angry about? Here the internal space is freed up to realize what is happening to me. (They say that this is not given right away J That is, learning to “grab the tail” of your affect takes a long time and step by step, as if developing automatism, but the effect is worth it J) Step 2: We look inside ourselves and try to understand: what do I want to protect with my aggression ? (we are talking about something valuable to me, otherwise a strong feeling would not arise). What is positive and important here for me? If understanding occurs, then my feeling becomes “visible” to me, and I gain ground under my feet, that is, awareness of myself. Step 3: How can I better live my feeling? Where to find the best recipient for his “residence”? How can I best bring my aggression into the world? At this stage, “blind” aggression becomes “seeing”, which means that we are not at the mercy of the “wave”, we are not marking time. Such work with one’s affect can be carried out after the fact, if it was not possible to “catch aggression by the tail” at the moment of its occurrence. The effect will still be there. It is important not to leave aggression unused; its energy can be directed to adequately resolve the conflict; this will be easier to do if we managed to enter a “seeing” state. We also remember that unlived, unconscious or unauthorized aggression can easily lead to feelings of guilt.