A lot has been written about how to maintain the desire to have sex with your husband/wife, with whom you have been living together for more than ... years. I would like to highlight one of the main factors responsible for wanting the spouse wanted and got it. This factor is a regular change in the psychological distance between partners. Changing the position of the pendulum in the category “closeness - distance” creates the necessary level of tension, the feeling of the other as OTHER, and contributes to the renewal of the sexual impulse in both. In “good families, where two adults consider each other “so dear”, they usually have excellent relationships as parents of their children, as friends, as companions in leisure and hobbies. BUT...as with lovers, it usually happens with age that it gets worse and worse. Because constant closeness, the feeling that “he is already so dear” causes a gradual withering away of the ability to get excited, turn on, light up from this person. Often in women’s groups I heard about good husbands, successful marriages... and confessions that they have sex very rarely, or “they don’t want it at all,” or they want it, but definitely not with their husband, because “it’s already like that.” everything is wrong - it’s bland.” And it turns out that these women are very similar to each other. The fact is that they practically do not quarrel with their husbands. The fact that they live “decorously and nobly.” At the same time, many note and remember that if a quarrel did happen, then after a period of resentment, worries, cooling of relations and subsequent reconciliation, sexual intimacy suddenly lit up with a flash of desire and mutual passion. The law of motion of a pendulum is unshakable. Only by changing their “status” at a distance from time to time can sexual energy be renewed and manifested. Many couples unconsciously “know” this effect. But they only know how to ensure psychological distance from each other through quarrels and scandals. And then a quarrel in such a system serves one purpose - to create a temporary distance between partners. To have “deserved coolness, a certain psychological isolation. To want to return to intimacy again. It’s good when two people in a couple can first ask themselves alone - what is happening with my desire for my husband/wife. When do I want him more/less. How can I allow myself and my partner to become temporary without quarrels? "stranger". To get closer later. So that in bed we feel different. By no means family, but close ones. To have the opportunity in the family legally - without quarrels, as a reason - to go to your “house”, to be away from your partner, to miss him, to renew your view of him, to forget, remember or find out anew is all the more necessary the more “decent” the relationship between spouses is. Sexual intimacy is an area where the pulsation at a distance provides a pulsation in the heart and body of two. The desire for intimacy is a consequence of the freedom to be at a distance.