We have emotions and feelings, and this is a given that we do not choose. You can even say that, in a sense, feelings choose us: after all, they are based on our internal structure (primarily the type of nervous system) and on the history of our relationships with the world. “Learn to control yourself.” The generally useful idea of ​​managing feelings is usually, unfortunately, misunderstood: as the need to get rid of “negative” experiences. “Negative” emotions (anger, fear, shame, guilt, sadness, resentment, envy...) are not easily experienced by the body, often associated with unpleasant bodily sensations (tension, pain, compression, pressure, coma in the throat, burning in the chest, heaviness, etc.) .d.).Another property of them is that they are experienced stronger, more intensely than “positive” feelings, and this is based on an evolutionary mechanism, a survival mechanism: after all, negative feelings signal the unwellness of the body, the violation of boundaries, a lack or excess of something - or unnecessary in it. If you do not notice this in time, the body may be harmed. Therefore, nature has done everything to ensure that the body accurately notices negative feelings. And that’s why there are simply more negative feelings – in quantity, and they are more varied. If the positive ones can be counted on one hand (joy, pleasure, pride, interest, inspiration, anticipation, tenderness... - how many more?), then the list of negative ones is much longer. In the list of basic emotions (according to K. Izard) there are 2 positive emotions, 1 neutral emotion (surprise), and 7:1 negative ones. interest - excitement; 2. pleasure - joy; 3. surprise;4. grief - suffering; 5. anger - rage; 6. disgust - disgust; 7. contempt - disdain;8. fear - horror; 9. shame - shyness; 10. guilt - repentance. However, “negative” feelings can be not difficult and even, oddly enough, pleasant if they are not contained. Have you noticed how easy it is after you cry? And how pleasant it can be to be angry, how much energy there is in it! And those who like to tickle their nerves with horror films or extreme entertainment will agree that fear sometimes brings a lot of pleasure. Nina Rubstein writes wonderfully about how the perception of negative feelings as difficult, heavy, painful is formed: Sadness is associated with breathing and crying. When we are disappointed due to loss, including illusions, crying is a natural reaction, like a cleansing stream, freeing us from the debris of the old. But if crying is prohibited, we stop our breathing by squeezing many different small muscles in the chest (heart pain), throat (lump in the throat), around the eyes (headache) and so on. As we grow older, when we have already been taught as children not to cry, the first thing we encounter when we are sad is these spasms, and we decide that being sad is painful. But it really hurts to not be sad for anything. If you breathe deeply and let the tears flow, everything relaxes and the pain goes away [Source]. All feelings are necessary and useful. All negative ones protect. Even shame is a feeling that more often than others becomes toxic, forcing us into isolation, creating the impossibility of contact, and shame also protects intimacy. Suppressing feelings leads to a loss of sensitivity in general, and then we stop experiencing any emotions, we stop being impressed by the world. A painful apathy sets in, when will or captivity is all the same. A certain internal “silence” is required, attention to oneself, the skill of self-knowledge in order to notice feelings, allow them to grow enough, gain strength, open up, and not be crushed at the very beginning - in order to hear what they are signaling.