“My husband is a scoundrel!” “My husband is a scoundrel and a scoundrel! I spent the best years of my life on him, but he is ungrateful and doesn’t appreciate everything I did for him!” “And my wife is hysterical, she nags and nags!” Unfortunately, such and similar statements are far from uncommon. Men and women complain about fate, scold their spouses, accuse each other of all mortal sins, thereby making their lives and the lives of loved ones unbearable, and constant psychological discomfort results sooner or later in various psychosomatic diseases, such as hypertension, headaches , stomach ulcer, etc. It’s not uncommon for people to come to see a psychologist who want to find out how they can change their spouses, how to help them correct their “so-and-so bad” behavior. Not everyone decides to take care of themselves. But only by changing ourselves and our behavior can we expect the same from our partner. The first question that I want to ask a person who speaks negatively about his spouse is: “So why do you live with such a scoundrel (hysterical) and spend the most precious years of your life on him (her)? If everything is so scary, you need to get a divorce.” And at this moment it turns out that the husband or wife is actually not so bad, and in general everything is fine, but sometimes, out of the blue, the very behavior that infuriates them begins ( or “some kind of fly bites them”, or “the reins get under their tail”). But nothing appears out of nowhere. Everything happens for a reason. This is where we think about what exactly causes such a reaction. “My husband is cheating on me.” Having understood the situation, we understand that he is going to cheat precisely after his wife makes an assumption about his lack of independence and inability to make decisions without her: “You are weak-willed,” she says. So our “offended” goes to where they call him a “real man” and look up with admiration with wide open eyes. “How strong and smart you are, your wife is lucky!” “Yes, lucky...” - and the man remembers the displeased, scowling face of his missus. Yes, maybe the spouse really doesn’t resolve some issues so quickly, but daily reproaches only aggravate the situation. It’s not for nothing that they say: “Tell a man 9 times that he is a pig, on the 10th time he will grunt.” “Van, do you remember how cleverly you figured out how to build a shelf in the kitchen for my favorite vase, and it turned out to be a reliable shelf, you made it yourself. You are enterprising and reasonable. What do you think is the best thing to do in such and such a situation?” But after such words, especially if you say them sincerely and with love, won’t a man express his opinion in order to once again show his beloved how he is trying for his family. And will he leave somewhere from that “nest” in which he is respected and appreciated? Thus, the person himself makes a choice: 1). Try with all your might to change your spouse. At the first opportunity, tell him what he is doing is right and what is wrong. To say that “Petka from apartment 5 bought a fur coat for his wife a long time ago, and you are unlucky and stupid from me” or: “You’re kind of nervous, haven’t you tried treatment? Let's look for a doctor?" etc. To suffer all my life, making myself the last victim of this scoundrel or hysterical woman. 2). Leave your “unworthy” spouse alone and find a “worthy” one. Although, as we know, there is no ideal. And one cannot help but take into account that with a new partner new “problems” will arise and new disappointments from unfulfilled hopes. 3). To change yourself. Spouses are like one system, a single mechanism (or, if you like, an organism). Changes in the operation of one element immediately affect the operation of another. We set the alarm clock, and it rings at a certain time, we forgot to change the oil in the car on time - expect troubles and malfunctions in the car, but we put warm socks on our feet - and we feel that our nose begins to warm up. That is why, changing your! :-)