From the author: In a previous article, I talked about why women often find themselves in situations where they are not valued and their care is taken for granted. If you are such a squirrel, you are here. About how a squirrel can get out. In the previous article, I talked about why women often find themselves in a situation where they are not valued and take their care for granted. If you are such a squirrel, this is for you: Dear women, you spend half the day on borscht with donuts, and the rest half the day on washing the floors and dishes. Do you remember the last time you took time for yourself? What do you want for yourself? 2 hours in a bath with foam and scrubs? New dress? A day with friends in a cafe? Well, then leave this borscht. Get into the bath and take your soul away. Or ask for a new dress. Can mom babysit? Maybe go to a cafe with your friends. And it’s better with a husband! Most often, if scandals do not begin at this stage and the husband is sympathetic to his wife’s needs, all difficulties end. But what to do if not? First, think seriously about “do you need it?” What will you do in your free time? Where to go in a new dress? Will you gather your friends in a cafe? Will you be able to enjoy time for yourself or will you blame yourself and reproach yourself? Does “different” make sense? Have you had any experience of living “differently”? If you are in doubt and cannot clearly answer these questions, or have already changed your mind, it is better to seek help from a specialist or leave this dubious event... If you answer without any problems and are sure that the time has come, good luck! Read on. Option one, the most unpleasant: He has always been like this! He never gave flowers, always demanded hot soup and categorically does not accept the “waste” of money. In his understanding, a wife should be like “a priest, a reaper, and a player on the pipe,” serving her husband and children; this is her direct responsibility, and there is no business in grumbling. A kind of domestic tyrant. Then, dear women, there are not many chances... the simplest one is to change your husband. You can try to change your behavior, but be prepared for fierce resistance, even threats of divorce. The most important thing to understand here is how bad are you that you are ready for such a turn of events? Most likely, he is no longer a boy, he has been living in this coordinate system for many years and he chose you precisely because you do everything as it seems to him to be correct and natural for a woman. Any attempts at rebellion will not only not be understood, but will be suppressed in the most severe manner. There is a chance only if he is very afraid of losing you, but to maintain changes you will not be able to relax for a long time, you will be tested for strength all the time. If, despite all the above warnings, you still decide to try, read and try using the following recommendations. Option two: It was different before (or “I ruined everything myself”) Did you offer to cook dinner yourself? I asked if you needed to buy something? Did he invite you to a cafe, give you flowers, and generally show you pleasant concern? And then it somehow passed... It seems? See which proposals are closer to you, what you haven’t tried yet, what, in your opinion, makes sense: First, figure out where whose responsibility is. There are always two people involved in a relationship. Try to understand what you do to get what you have? Or not get it? Or what you don’t do? Analyze whether you have always done this? If not, what did you do to get a different result? If yes, think about what you can change. Find your responsibility and try, based on it, to change something. For example, “I used to dress beautifully when I was waiting for my husband, and he often gave me flowers.” Maybe try to renew this tradition? Remember, changing existing relationships is always more difficult than building new ones, be prepared for difficulties. When bones do not heal properly, they can only be cured by breaking them again, and this is painful. If everything goes smoothly for you, that’s great, but there is a possibility of difficulties. Understand what’s happening to you and be able to think about itreport! Very often, women simply do not have time to think about themselves. There are certain ideas and stereotypes about what is right and what is wrong. We rely on them. But if these stereotypes lead to unfavorable conditions, isn't it time to change them? To do this, you need to stop and listen to yourself. What do I want? What don't I want? What I need? If you have a headache, you need to lie down and take a pill, even if there are things you need to do. Your health is more important. You don’t like that your husband is planning to spend the evening with friends, although he hasn’t invited you anywhere for a long time - say so. Try to say about yourself: that it’s offensive / that you miss him / you also need his attention. Offer a compromise - today friends, tomorrow a restaurant with you (or a movie, or a walk in the park). Maybe you're both ready to go to your friends' house together. Learn to listen to yourself. Your feelings are important! Take care of yourself! Here we are talking not only about appearance, but also about the ability to occupy oneself. Find important, interesting or simply enjoyable activities for yourself. A man should not be the meaning of life, it exhausts everyone. When you start spending quality time on yourself, you will feel less exhausted. This is a good resource. And a satisfied, full woman is very attractive! This is both a way to get away from the usual circle of responsibilities and a way to remind the husband that his wife is wonderful. Being weak and asking for help is useful! Remember that you are the weaker sex. Many don’t even allow a man to carry bags from the store, as if groceries are a woman’s concern. No, physical strength is given to a man, women are beautiful! There is no need to crawl around the kitchen with a fever, just to make sure everyone is fed. This is difficult, but I remind you that health is more important. Ask your husband to help. In general, ask your husband and children for help more often. Asking for praise is not a shame! You cook really deliciously, it’s not a bad thing to remind your husband that “thank you, it was very tasty” and a gentle kiss of gratitude (even if on the cheek) is very motivating to cook other tasty things. And it improves your mood. And libido. Men often don't understand that this needs to be done. Not because they don’t want to, but because it doesn’t occur to them. Give a lesson or two about what form of praise excites you the most. It happens that the husband does not praise because “Everything is wrong. I salted it wrong, put it wrong.” Most likely, he knows how to do it right. Give him the opportunity to cook himself and praise him for the result. Maybe in your family it’s better for your husband to cook? Appreciate what a man does! We often notice that we are not appreciated, and we do not notice at all that we ourselves do not appreciate what they do for us. Pay more attention to even the most insignificant actions done for you, set an example. If you don’t like it, tell me right away! You should not tolerate anything that brings irritation, resentment or displeasure. We often protect the feelings of people close to us, but in fact we deprive them of the opportunity to take care of us. Sometimes it's difficult because the man doesn't understand. Be firm, but don't push. “I won’t wash the dishes now, I’m tired. I'll rest and do it. If this is important to you, maybe you can wash it yourself? I understand that you are dissatisfied, but if I wash the dishes now, I will be angry because of this, my irritation will prevent you and me from enjoying the evening.” Respect your man! You shouldn’t treat a man like an unreasonable and helpless child! You should not check how he is doing repairs in the corridor and monitor him every 15 minutes. Discuss where it is and where your responsibility is, and don’t interfere with his part! You are not his mother, he can handle it! And if not, he will fix it himself. It is not your job to educate him, you must support him. How will this help? This will take some of the burden off of you. It will be easier. Scandal is not always bad! Sometimes all the talk and soft arguments turn out to be useless. The man can't hear you. Maybe it's time to throw a tantrum? Sometimes it has a sobering effect. To summarize, I would like to draw your attention: advice is just advice. You may not find the option that suits you, you may try and not get any.