From the author: Is our “Achilles heel” really insurmountable? Rock, what is this? No, no again! It's just the place of least resistance. By creating an appropriate strong defense, you can survive. The Achilles heel of a Russian poetess Back in 1987, I wrote my first work, “A Small Psycho-Prophylactic Workshop.” Either the author’s vanity, or the desire to share his experience with people, perhaps both prompted me to take up the pen. My work has not yet been published. And if my publications often appear on the B17 website, then, I admit, I partially take out my luggage from this suitcase. I even wrote the following lines then: “You really can’t escape your old self, but you can reconsider, rethink, reevaluate yourself and then realize yourself in a new way, at a higher stage of development, and change for the better.” I was treating a poetess at the time. I won't reveal her name. No one has canceled the observance of medical confidentiality even after death. And I'm not going to. She was then 32 years old. We achieved, as it seemed to me, a very lasting and positive result. But life turned out to be more complex and zigzag. Many years have passed. And so, looking through the works of the past, I wanted to know how she was doing at the present time. Her phone didn't answer. I got through to her close friend, also a writer. And with regret I learned that she committed suicide at the age of 56. This happened back in 2005. The reason was the following circumstances. After the collapse of the Soviet Union, the Central Asian republics gained independence. In some of them, cruel feudal orders were established. Many free-thinking people, including her friends, rotted in prison. The ruler of this country also claimed to be a Poet. Gazprom intended to publish his works and present them to him in order to gain privileges in a trade deal. It smelled, as they say, of big money. Three writers, her acquaintances, zealously got down to business. Our poetess opposed this. She said: “It is not good for either poets or sages to fawn before kings and extort benefits.” After this, daytime and even night calls began. One of them, whom she adored at one time, was a nervous, overly emotional person, shouting, calling names, swearing.” The others did not shout, but insistently tried to convince her. She supposedly needs to understand that she is doing wrong. The poetess was shocked by this. She was shocked. A friend says: “By that time she was already in complete emotional disarray. I saw her pale, with shaking hands. It was terrible. She is a poet, an impressionable person, incredibly vulnerable. And it seemed to her that the whole world was already against her.” And further: “She was worried, could not switch to other thoughts. She spoke and thought only about this. I once asked: “If I die, will they be ashamed?” The friend replied: “If you die, they will call you a fool, they will say that the reason for your leaving is your personal life, menopause, etc. They won’t feel ashamed, but your friends will feel bad.” And she concluded bitterly: “But, as I later realized, her idea was already mature. The whole world has narrowed down to these three scoundrels, led by the feudal poet.” She was found in the bathroom. There was an empty bottle of 50 Danish-made sleeping pills. Now let's go back to when she was 32 years old. She turned to me as a psychotherapist. I knew that she was the daughter of a famous writer. This is what she told about herself. Since childhood, I have been involved in the writing community. I talked with Ranevskaya. Because of her thin figure, she jokingly called her Mademoiselle Modigliani. His models were designed in this style. Easily vulnerable, jealous, suspicious, somewhat suspicious. She considers these traits to be the starting points of her character. I was always dissatisfied with my appearance, although with my mind and reason I understood that there was no reason for this. Quite sociable, approachable, in the company of people for some reason she felt like a stranger, an “outcast,” not like everyone else. I always felt “aloof”, in some kind ofisolation, lonely, or something. Other people seemed to her to be somehow united and friendly. If she began to be friends with someone, she found herself in a dependent position, forced to accept his rhythm, his routine, his habits. Not inclined to smoke or drink alcohol, she still endured being literally fumigated with acrid smoke. I also had to drink, although after that I felt bad. Currently dating a married man. He is burdened by these relationships, but is unable either spiritually or physically to break this connection. Painful disorders arose. There are palpitations, a feeling of difficulty breathing, she shudders, she experiences anxiety and fear. Calls an ambulance. She works somehow out of inertia, out of habit, without any inspiration inherent in her past. Works without joy, without satisfaction. Lately, life has become “excruciatingly difficult” for her. She is very vulnerable, often cries, and seems very lonely. The father died long ago, the mother is alive, but now all these experiences are more pronounced than before. Sleeps poorly, sleep is “agonizing”, with nightmares. In the morning he gets up anxious. Recently, a neighbor said that children make women look bad, that “childless women are detrimental.” Her mood deteriorated even more, her inherent suspiciousness, suspicion, and vulnerability intensified. And further! Note! I felt disgusted with myself, with my appearance, my body, my natural functions. Can't look at himself in the mirror. She “sees” herself as ugly. These painful ideas about her appearance are her weak point. She has been suffering from them since she was 20 years old. Now there is an even more “painful” lack of self-confidence as a woman. Lately she has been living in suffering, in torment, since the “complexes” inherent in her in the past have multiplied tenfold. He sees no meaning in existence, in success in life, in friendly contacts. Feels like an “outcast”, “freak”, “cripple”. There are no thoughts to “leave this life.” In the depths of his soul he hopes to find a way out, looking for a means of healing. In conversation she remains natural and adequately assesses her condition as painful. She worries that she may have a serious mental illness. At that time I did not yet know such a term as disidentification, according to Roberto Assagioli.” But on a whim I found the right way of psychotherapeutic influence. I present the contents of these settings. She had to comprehend them, repeat them thoughtfully, and put them into action. And with this, repress and neutralize painful experiences: “I am aware! I got it! Now it was as if a “scale” had fallen from my eyes. I have received my sight spiritually. I realized that I was in a state of mental discomfort and discomfort. I'm depressed. The time has come to reconsider many of my wrong views and ideas, to figure out why I have this mental “dead end”. Just as one throws off shabby, worn-out clothes, one must throw off one-sided, unfounded ideas about oneself, about one’s appearance. My appearance is no worse than others, and that’s not the problem at all. I'm too vulnerable, too vulnerable, unprotected. My dependence on randomly heard words, on the opinions of people who were sometimes unfamiliar to me was too strong. Their conversations fell on “favorable” soil - on my suspiciousness, on my suspicion. To realize something, to understand your negative characterological characteristics does not mean that you need to come to terms with them. We need to eradicate them. Some of my personal characteristics led me into dead ends, into contradictory relationships. I found myself in a dependent position on other people because I believed that they were stronger, more complete than me. Now I understand that other people are also contradictory. I no longer make myself dependent on another person, on other people... Since nothing connects me with them, I break unnecessary, hateful ties. I no longer depend on being married. I am free in soul and body. I myselfI will arrange my life, I will manage myself within reasonable limits. Let me be alone, but I will be in a state of mental balance and comfort. My work is becoming attractive to me again. My spring has come again. Inspiration came, I sing again, write poetry. I realize again and again that previously all this “vanity of vanities” of other people, their spiritual disharmony, their habits had a heavy impact on my mental state, which was already unstable. Now I am more stable, mentally and physically. My immediate task on the path to healing, to my transformation: not to make a mountain out of a mountain, not to look for non-existent flaws in my appearance, not to get stuck on imaginary “complexes”. I have achieved and continue to achieve peace of mind, no matter what! Without waiting for everything to be fine in life (and no one has complete well-being!), without waiting for everything in my body to be regulated, I regain my good mood, restore my mental balance. I cope with an exaggerated, clearly exaggerated feeling of loneliness. I can now calmly stay at home and mind my own business. I'm not bored or sad. I stop being an overly vulnerable person, I stopped depending on the opinions of other people. I stop looking back at what “Marya Alekseevna” said or will say, just as the characters from “Woe from Wit” did. I have become, I repeat once again, free! I overcome anxiety, restlessness, suspiciousness, “languor” of spirit and flesh. In the company of people, I don’t feel like I’m either the “center of increased attention,” nor “outcast,” “outsider,” or “alien.” If I need to communicate with people, then I unite with them on the principle of mutual coincidence of feelings or interests. At the same time, I fully retain my autonomy and independence. I am aware that the most durable thing in relationships with people is the coincidence of interests, aspirations and goals. And mutual respect! So, I no longer make myself dependent on the personality of another person, on the fluctuations of his mood, on his attitude towards me. It dawned on me deeply: I realize all this, I am becoming more and more independent, free from other people and from my far-fetched “complexes.” I now know what to do. I know that fluctuations in mood and well-being can still be repeated. That is life! It’s impossible to stock up on a good mood for a long time, but even with any fluctuations in my state, I still won’t allow myself to be knocked out of the rut of life. I repeat! Neither internal fluctuations, nor external circumstances, nor fussy people - nothing and no one will throw me off my horse, no one will deprive me of solid, stable ground under my feet. Now the following melody sounds in my soul: “I live, I breathe, I rejoice. Yes, I’m still thinking!” The stage of my infantility, my “immaturity” of feelings, concepts, and judgments has ended. I am entering an age of emotional and intellectual maturity." This is the main content of this psychotherapeutic self-interaction. As you can see, I didn’t just have soul-saving conversations with her. All text was printed on paper. Each point was analyzed and brought to the core. She had to read, realize, act repeatedly. Rebuild specifically. Outline an adequate line of your behavior. I knew for sure that any depression - endogenous or reactive - is characterized by the following triad: 1) depressed mood; 2) limitation of physical activity; and, 3) mental stiffness, narrowing of the thinking horizon. For this, a program of action clearly laid out on paper was needed. We, the poetess and I, managed to achieve a positive result in a very short time. The treatment was carried out privately. And having provided her with safety instructions, he set her free to swim. A short afterword A year later, I phoned her. This is what she said: “Outwardly, nothing has changed in my life, I’m not married, but I have friends, I communicate easily.