Wherever there are relationships between people, you can find abuse. In our country, the topic of abuse (especially abuse at work) is treated coolly. “Did the boss yell? Well, he didn’t kill me..” “You were asked to sign a letter of resignation with an open date? Do you need to ask for leave? Well, okay, but the salary is normal..” Is this sufficient compensation for fatigue, burnout, twitching eyes, sleep disturbances and chronic pain? Everyone decides for themselves. Let's figure out what abuse at work is, how to recognize it and protect yourself. Let's start with the good news. It is much easier to recognize abuse at work than in personal relationships, because... there is no strong emotional connection with the aggressor. Is some strange friend raising his voice at you or trying to manipulate you? Here we are more likely to detect that something is going wrong than if it were in the family. For some types of “work” abuse there is a special term. In addition to the well-known “bullying” (from the word “to bully”), there is also “mobbing” (group bullying), “bossing” (when the boss bullies), sandwich mobbing (when several colleagues unite against one), “hazing” (hazing , if in our opinion). There are many types of abuse, but they have one thing in common - violation of personal boundaries. Physical. Starting from a corporate party where one of the colleagues lets loose, ending with specific assault. What about psychological ones? This could be: Humiliating jokes, when they devalue you or assert themselves at your expense. Gossip. This is the top method of an abuser who wants to stop respecting you in the team. Manipulation and pressure. “Either you do it (now, on your day off, ideally), or I’ll fire you.” Unfounded criticism. You are unfairly accused of incompetence, and even in front of other colleagues (this is so that the aggressor feels his own importance as much as possible). Getting personal. You did not ask for comments, but received an assessment of your own appearance, intelligence, education and marital status. Ignore. This is a type of passive aggression. They stopped greeting you and become demonstratively silent if you enter the room. They deliberately create obstacles for you in your work. They don’t give all the necessary information, they send it “to the grandfather in the village,” they reschedule meetings. We will deal with financial abuse separately - lack of payment for overtime work, unfulfilled promises, etc. Who is most often abused? Victims of abuse, as a rule, have low self-esteem, they it is difficult to communicate, they depend on the opinions of other people. They may be characterized by fear and anxiety, and are more easily disturbed than others. Knowing such characteristics in yourself, it is important to learn to see the signs of relationships (both personal and professional) where abuse is possible. Red flags: how to understand in advance that an employer is an abuser?🚩Personal questions at an interview (not about your competencies), games of “stress interview”.🚩They make vulgar comments that do not relate to professional skills or future work. 🚩You are told in advance that you will have a lot of extras. responsibilities beyond what is written in the job description/vacancy description.🚩There are overtime hours, irregular working hours, but this is not specified in the contract and is not paid, because “that’s how it’s accepted” and “in general, we are here for the common good.” ? Read reviews about the employer on the Internet. Confirmed? Run, Forrest! Run! What to do if you encounter abuse at work? Keep your distance This is more of a preventive measure. It is important for the abuser to get close to the victim. If you are on first name terms with him, do not disclose information about your personal life, etc., then it will be more difficult to get attached. Maintain emotional balance. As much as possible, the abusive colleague gets a reaction from you, this motivates him to continue. There are several ways to deal with boundary violations. One of them is to leave. Breathe and ignore. Or rationally and point by point report that your boundaries have been violated. I shared an exercise that trains the skill of upholding boundaries here. Speak to the offender correctly, directly..