There is little benefit from reticence in a relationship. Misunderstanding leads to the fact that any minor quarrel risks leading to separation. The closest people hurt each other without even meaning to. How to deal with all this? Talk! It would seem simple, but it’s so hard. More often than not, the initiative for an “important” conversation comes from a woman. But emotions overwhelm, resentment forces you to throw around thoughtless phrases, and defenses do not allow you to hear the thoughts of your loved one. And yet, it is simply necessary to talk about some things. Let’s decide what should be discussed first. General goals I have already written about how important it is for partners to look in the same direction https://www.b17.ru /article/121788/ The lack of a common desired result builds bridges between you. You can't go down different paths while staying close. This does not mean that you need to work together or, conversely, run a household. The matter concerns, first of all, future plans. Do you want to have a family and children, move to live together in another city or country, go on vacation or do renovations, what to spend the joint budget on and how to replenish it. If your goals diverge now , in the future this can only alienate you from each other. Nothing will go away on its own. Discuss with your spouse what is the priority for your couple now, where will you be in five years and in what status? How each of you sees your future together and where you want to meet your old age. Don’t bend your line! Listen to each other. Try to find compromises and explain the importance of this or that decision. Speak not only with facts and “wants”. Tell me what you feel, what you fear and what you long for. Infect each other with ideas! Start dreaming together, setting goals and drawing plans together. Try to create a common family “wish map”. About “it” Women usually find it more difficult to talk about their experiences about intimate relationships. But it is impossible to build harmonious relationships this way. If something doesn’t suit you in bed with your loved one, be sure to let your partner know this. Just not with complicated veiled hints! )) Try to explain what you don’t like, tell us about your fantasies and preferences. Perhaps your partner would be happy to “spank” you, but he just doesn’t know that you’ve been wanting this for a long time. And he may also like what you are embarrassed to offer. If you are modest and your tongue just won’t work, write a letter or a WhatsApp message) Go to a family psychologist, he will be a good support for you. This usually helps. Claims against desires Quarrels almost always begin with mutual claims. What exactly is a claim? This is an unsatisfied need that is skillfully disguised as a partner’s mistake. I can offer you an interesting exercise that helps translate your problems from the “language of claims” to the “language of desires.” It's best done in pairs, of course. Write down on a piece of paper the entire list of indignations about your loved one’s behavior: he doesn’t help with the children, doesn’t wash the dishes, stays late at work, is rude to his mother, drinks beer with friends on Fridays, has set a password on his phone, is always dissatisfied with everything, nags that I don’t give gifts ... doesn't give gifts... and so on. I don't think it will take much time). The second list will be much more difficult to compile. Each claim must be converted to a need status. That is, write what you really lack and why you are angry/offended/suffering. Lack of help around the house may indicate that you do not have enough personal time; delays at work - lack of warmth and attention; The password on the phone is jealousy, which means low self-esteem (see article on jealousy https://www.b17.ru/article/121989/). And so on down the list. Try to be as honest with yourself as possible. And, having carefully studied the second list, try to talk with your partner in a new way. About feelings Relationships without love are impossible. Or rather, harmony in).