From the author: Many people are more accustomed to living unloved, but with an internal conflict, the human need - “to be loved.” An article about how to solve it and how to live with dislike."I dream that in modern adult society, with all our rationality, we would not be ashamed or afraid to admit to someone that we need help. We need help “to learn to feel, love and compassion again” Letter from an Internet forum. Anonymous. But they talk about love little, or with drama, because in Russia there is a cult of emotional disability in relation to love. Emotional disability is a distortion of the understanding and meaning of emotions. A person does not know how to express an emotion, is not able to distinguish it from others, is afraid of its manifestations. In the understanding of “love” in Russia there is little emotional warmth, support, praise, but a lot of shame for the feeling, fear of the feeling and the associated emotional coldness. In many ways it is mixed with motivation and aggression. Although this whole range of emotions actually has nothing to do with love. How is love disability cultivated? We are shown this as a fact of reality in films (“Temporary Difficulties”, “After You”, “Top”, etc.) - which means this is one of the modern problems. If we consider the characters in these films, their heroes are emotionally repressed, aggressive and single, create families and raise children. How does the presence of emotional trauma affect reality? There are many “unloved” people in Russia, because in childhood we lived with this feeling - this is a normal, familiar state. Regardless of what kind of parent it is: aggressive, alcoholic, whose parent is not around - there is instinctively an attachment to him. Children develop by adopting the pattern of parental behavior, and they will love as their parents taught them. As an adult, such a child does not know what it means to be loved, is afraid to show his feelings, is afraid of emotional contact, lives in a feeling of not being loved, loneliness, with inner emptiness. He enters into “love relationships” that support this state, because he does not know any other “love.” “Attitudes of the unloved” 1. “They don’t love me because...” This phrase makes you responsible for the feelings of another person. Meanwhile, he may not show love due to various circumstances: fear of close relationships after a bad experience, fear of getting closer because of self-esteem, fear of rejection, desire to frequently change partners in search of adrenaline, and many others.2. “I will deserve your love” - attraction to you and the desire to love you is the free choice of another person.3. Installation outside of consciousness: choose those who don’t like me. How to live with “dislike”? My dad is 50 years old. He is not used to the manifestation of warm feelings either from his wife or from his child. He treats women with hatred and tyranny, ridiculing their thoughts, rights, habits - therefore it is difficult to be his daughter. My desire to find contact with him was always met with suspicion - because there can be no love between father and daughter. “I love you, but like a daughter,” he always said. And he tried to hug so that it hurt. He didn’t succeed in love with his mother. At the age of 30, he took the TV, took my mother by the hand, and took it to another room, locking the door and telling me that it was time for her to fulfill her marital duty. Love is tantamount to power. Also, “love” with his mistresses did not work out - because the women he found refused to be submissive performers of his chaotic desires. As a result, over time, he began to feel unloved and lonely, blaming others for this. Mom, from a faithful married life with such a husband, after 10 years of marriage began to call herself frigid towards men. Loving a man is painful. Only love for a child allowed me to embody my tender feelings. Now I am an adult woman who knows little about the real feeling of love. The men I meet are emotionally cold, and love frightens us both. I don’t have grandfathers, uncles, or close men who could make up for the lack of paternal.