“What should I do?” This is one of the most common questions people come to a psychotherapist with. They bring their confusion and, blushing a little, lay out their fears in a row in front of them. They look questioningly: what do you say? And it’s good if they don’t arrive, they burst into the office in such extreme anxiety, when they had to make a choice - preferably by yesterday, but now - here’s my story and tell me quickly, as I do right. And I... With all my desire to help, I experience the same confusion and powerlessness and simply don’t know what to do and how to do it correctly. Even in my own life, I don’t always know how it will be better, what to say about someone else’s - which I have never lived. But I can help you find your own unique solution. Searching is not easy and quick, like the very path along which a person comes to a situation of choice. And at this point you can simply (which happens quite often) devalue the worthless and stupid psychotherapist, psychotherapy itself, and go in search of another rescue advisor who will join the proposed role and take responsibility for the choice. Of course, it’s easier this way. And I respect other people's choices: we all do the best we can. I myself often want to avoid meeting with my difficult feelings, with the duality of my own desires, with responsibility for what I have done and what I have missed, in the end. Those who remain in therapy - for them the story is just beginning. We begin to explore... What is this crossroads? How a person ended up here, in this place, in such a situation, what he did for this, and what did not depend on him. What aggravated the situation of the need to choose right now, and what supports the desire not to choose at all. It’s like spring cleaning: diligently forgotten skeletons fall out of their closets, the disorder is no longer impossible not to notice with the light pouring brightly from the windows, dust from all corners stands as a thick curtain, one can barely feel dizzy from the overwhelming impressions. We are looking for what the choice really is. Between stability and risk? Between dependence and freedom? Between loyalty to the clan or self-will? There are almost no clear answers here - all parts of the situation are so closely intertwined, and it is important to find suitable, catchy, unique names to indicate what is happening. Give it a name and regain the opportunity to relate and address it somehow. How do people choose? Differently. I never cease to be amazed at the creativity of those who, in the process of therapy, emerge from the “either-or” situation to their new, third path. One that can hardly be noticed, looking at the problem of choice from afar, like a panoramic view, or plunging headlong into a situation, freezing on its experience from the inside. A new opportunity is born in a new relationship. How long this will take depends not only on the therapist's skills, but also on the client's readiness. Sufficiently mature and strengthened solutions only need support, but for those that have not yet emerged, it is more important to take a closer look at the landscape and prepare the ground. Of course, any choice can always be made quickly and even faster. You can - without looking back at the situation and yourself in it. Or you can choose nothing at all, leaving the situation, with its attendant tension, hanging. But to create your own unique path, you will have to make efforts and do difficult mental work. This is the only way you can regain your freedom and authorship of life - through responsibility for its creation where it is truly in your hands. (Photo: Bharat Sikka)