From the author: original article on the site: It’s easy to quarrel, but finding a solution that suits both partners is a whole science that no one taught us. When we quarrel, a space of emptiness arises between us, and if we do not take the initiative and simply wait for the first step from him/her, then this space very quickly grows and is filled with grievances, reproaches, claims, fantasies. All that “trash” that makes it so difficult to perceive the situation objectively and see the good that is in another person. Taking a step towards a meeting, despite your grievances and disappointments, means taking responsibility, showing that same flexibility and courage. But for some reason people prefer to wait for the first step from him/her, meanwhile continuing to suffer, suffer and move away... Working with men and women, I divided the “complaints” of clients into two categories: - “he is not like that / she is not like that “- that is, the problem is with him: he is lazy, has no initiative, is greedy, does not pay attention, earns little; she doesn’t understand me, constantly wants something (or doesn’t want it), nags, complains, criticizes, or substitute your own option; - “I’m not like that/not like that” - i.e., the problem is in me: I’ve gained weight, I’m not so interesting, I need to improve myself, I don’t deserve him, etc. Or: I’m not a match for her, she needs someone else, I can’t make her happy, etc. In order to explore your relationship and still find a constructive solution, I offer you my own technique (synthesis of art therapy and symbol drama), which will help you reconsider your relationship at a symbolic-metaphorical level, find new strategies and solutions to improve relationships and adjust the ways of interaction in your couple. The “As If...” technique You will need 3 sheets of A4 paper, colored pencils or paints, 25-30 minutes of time and a desire to explore the sphere of your relationship in order to find the most constructive strategies for interaction. Stage 1: Immersion in the situation Close your eyes and imagine your man in the form of some kind of animal. Who does he look like, who is he, if he were some kind of animal? What environment does he live in, what surrounds him? What color and size is it? What is he doing at this very moment? Now take a sheet of paper and pencils and draw your partner in the form of an animal in the environment or place in which he appeared to you. In this technique, your artistic talents do not matter, just draw as best you can. Do the same for yourself - imagine yourself in the form of an animal whose image resonates with you right now and then draw “yourself” on another sheet of paper. Stage 2 : Analyzing the situation and searching for options for interaction Now lay out your drawings in front of you (on the table or on the floor), leaving some distance between them, in a position that corresponds to your relationship right now. What do you see in the pictures? Are these animals from “the same world” or from different ones? Are they the same species or not? Are there differences in their size, posture, activity, body position, etc. Just observe and note your thoughts and feelings. Now experiment with different positions of the sheets, moving them around - some on the left, some on the right; try placing them one above the other, change the distance between them. As you do this, again observe your feelings and thoughts. After you have tried different ways of interacting these two images, now find the most optimal distance and position between the sheets and observe your feelings. Give yourself a little time to “get used to” the new arrangement, if it differs from the original one. Stage 3: Harmonization of relationships Now, looking at the two previous drawings, come up with a new image where both of these animals can be together in the same space, on the same territory as harmoniously as possible. Draw a third picture, paying attention to the following aspects: Where are these animals located? what are they doing? what is the distance between them (it is important to find the optimal one), how are they now.