From the author: Very often in my practice I come across the desire of women to live an ideal pregnancy, give birth ideally and become ideal mothers. But experience says that any effort to do everything right does not exclude making some mistakes and causing deep disappointments. A phone call distracted me from my leisurely evening meal. My client called - a young mother, whose family history I knew in detail. After accompanying her birth, we developed a trusting relationship, and the late call only indicated that something urgent had happened. “Ira, I don’t know how to tell you, but I don’t dare call anyone else,” her voice trembled. and through excitement and tears she continued, “My baby just fell off the changing table.” I don't know how this happened! Just got distracted for a minute and then this... Tell me, what should I do? Should I go to the doctor or not? – Is she crying now? I don’t hear... - No, she’s not crying anymore. Calmed down under my chest. But I'm very afraid for her. Very much! – What does your husband think about going to the hospital? – I don’t know. He's still at work. I'm afraid to call him. And I can’t tell my mother... - Let’s think about what can be done. If the baby has calmed down, it means there is no acute pain, and there is time to calmly make a decision. I believe that the child's father has every right to know what happened. Understand me, I cannot decide for you what to do with your child. I can’t assess the situation over the phone either. After all, I'm not a doctor. Tell me, do you feel guilty now? – I’m ashamed to tell anyone about this. And yes, I blame myself. After all, this is already the second case. The first time she fell off the couch and I didn't tell anyone. I try so hard to do everything right. Why? Why is this happening to me? – Honey, I’m so sorry. I do not know why. Let's now think about how you will tell your husband about this. And then you will make a decision together. As for you and your mother, I’ll tell you straight. Maybe it's time to stop your competition with her regarding which of you is the “Best Mom”? Understand one thing: there is no such thing as perfect motherhood! She made her mistakes, you have the right to yours. Don't blame yourself now. Think about how to improve the situation. If you feel calmer after a visit to the hospital, then go for it. If the baby continues to be calm and you come to your senses, then still tell your spouse about what happened. But if he becomes worried, then you need to do everything so that there is no room left for anxiety and doubt in your family. The two of you are responsible for the health and well-being of your child. It's up to you to make the decision. Do you agree with me? Very often in my practice I come across the desire of women to live an ideal pregnancy, ideally give birth and become ideal mothers. But experience says that any effort to do everything right does not exclude making some mistakes and causing deep disappointments. With the advent of a huge amount of information, we began to know too much about how to live, give birth and raise children. The more I personally learned about the psychology of child development, the greater the distance between me and my parents became. It was not easy to realize that I was being punished when I should have been supported, approved and protected. Along with the incoming information, the pain returned, childhood grievances and fears surfaced. Only later was I able to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and stopped blaming myself and my parents. Who is usually found guilty? Someone who knowingly and intentionally caused pain and harm to another person. So did our parents deliberately make sure that we were hurt? And we? What do we do about our children today? Are we not doing something with the best intentions? The idealization of motherhood and competition with one’s own mother is one of the reasons for female infertility, which few people talk about in the modern world. Sometimes children don't want to come at all. Being the child of an ideal mother is not so easy. Necessary.