Why in this city are so many beautiful, smart, successful, sexy women around 30 years old still not married? Everyone has different reasons, each case is special. In this article I want to tell you HOW Gestalt therapy helps answer the question of what to do in the end and how to do it in order to get married. First you need to deal with “introjects” - these are statements that we blindly believe in without analysis and chewing. For example: “All my friends are already married, and I should be like everyone else.” “At this age, all women should be married.” “To be successful, I must find a husband.” These and other statements may emerge in the process of working with a psychotherapist and you will understand that you swallowed them without digesting them, gestalt will help you do this and you will realize whether this is your desire to build a family, you will find the strength to challenge and spit out other people’s messages, you will find your true self. Perhaps you will understand that you like to be free at this stage of your life and stop telling yourself about a certain AGE. If you decide that you want to go further in finding your loved one. Then later in psychotherapy you will have to get out of the “merger”. When a person lives in “merger” with others, he cannot determine where the boundary is between his needs and those of others. It all starts with merging with the parents; no parent wants the child to grow up, because... then the parent feels the approach of old age, the fear of loneliness, when the chicks fly away, the nest becomes empty. And a parent (especially a mother) often unconsciously prevents a child from learning to fly. Gestalt therapy helps to evaluate the contribution of parents to your life. Process painful experiences of childhood and adolescence. Forgive grievances towards parents who also prevent you from growing up. You will emerge from the merger with your mother. You will understand that you don’t need to look for the ideal man, because... no one can beat dad anyway. You will continue to love your parents, but your dependence on them will greatly decrease, and you will be able to become an independent bird that will soon build its own nest. Most likely, at this stage of psychotherapy, your relationships with men will begin to improve; perhaps you will decide to interrupt therapy. Then, on your own or with the help of a psychotherapist, you get rid of “projections” towards men. Projection is what you imagine for your man. There are always a lot of projections at the beginning of a relationship - from idealization: “Oh, what a gentleman, only he will make me happy!” to catastrophizing: “He doesn’t love me!” I’m worse than his ex!”, devaluation: “What a bastard he is, how can he do this to me?”, generalization: “All men are like that!”..... In working with a psychotherapist, you can reduce catastrophizing, devaluation, if these conditions are difficult to tolerate. You will deal with complaints against men that arose in your past relationships and stop expecting stereotypical behavior from them. With idealization during the candy-bouquet period, it seems to me that you can do nothing, but simply enjoy what is happening. At the initial stage of a relationship, there is a lot of anxiety, fear, sometimes anger, and most importantly, EXCITATION and INSPIRATION. At this time, “retroflection” may occur - the folding of feelings for a man inside oneself. A Gestalt therapist helps to cope with anxiety, transform it into excitement, which gives energy for the development of relationships. Next comes the process of getting used to the new couple, and you can continue therapy, learn with its help to competently conflict, express your needs and listen to the other. And somewhere nearby there will be that same MARRIED, for whom something will also need to be done. And the fact that before this you have come a long way of self-knowledge with the help of Gestalt therapy will give you a great foundation for a strong, healthy family with a minimum of omissions and a maximum of intimacy, care, tenderness.