What makes us a victim is the desire to receive from a person what he cannot give us, but we want to receive because we really, really need it. This passionate desire becomes the center and meaning of life and drives us crazy. We are unable to give up the hope of receiving and decided to receive from this person. This is how we drive ourselves into a trap from where there is no way out, and close the opportunity to receive. There are many other ways to get it, but we fixate on the only impossible way. We become dependent on a person because we are unable to refuse him. to get it the way we want to get it. This is our dead end. It's the way we want to receive it that drives us crazy, and we don't see anything else. We become fixated and go around in circles of our personal hell. For example, I am a woman and I want my husband to respect me. Is he capable of respect for a woman? Is this a character trait? We usually want respect from someone who does not respect. He doesn't respect you and that's a fact. Maybe he was raised that way or he experienced trauma - it doesn’t matter. It is important that for some reason this person does not respect women, and I want him to respect me. I prove that I am a good woman, I sacrifice myself and it seems to me that I have almost achieved my goal. But no. Again I get no respect. I try to influence the person even more in different ways and for some time he shows respect, and then again I receive no respect. I hit closed doors, or rather, a wall where there are no doors, assuming in my imagination that there are doors there. I'm spinning in circles in my personal hell. Over and over again I do things that don't work. I can't get out of there. I hold on to the hope that I’m about to achieve my goal. What you want but cannot get from a person is the carrot that keeps you in misery and unhappiness, in unsatisfying, hurtful relationships. Instead of letting go of this desire as not being fulfilled in the way we want to fulfill it, we put more and more effort into it. The more effort we put in, the harder it is to give it up. We become obsessed with our idea. It becomes the meaning of life. Everything is built around this idea. Now to abandon this idea means to destroy your entire life, to lose the meaning of existence. It's so scary that I don't even want to think about it. Thus, we refuse to admit the truth: we ourselves have created our own hell and this hell is the most important thing we have. For example, a man wants the love of a woman who does not love him. It becomes paranoid. He doesn't want to see the truth. He interprets her actions as a manifestation of interest in him, and has already done a lot for his beloved, denying himself everything. He gave her everything completely, including his heart. He thinks he deserves love. When he finds out the truth, he will want to kill his beloved. If the opposite party is in crisis and needs support, then it may favorably accept care and attention. And he falls into a trap because there is no love. The other side will demand love, but there is none. If a person begins to depict something that does not exist, he ends up in his personal hell. How can I leave a relationship in which I am the victim? Does this mean that I wasted my life? Does this mean that what I was proud of should be considered a mistake? Does this mean that what I fought for is empty? It turns out that my whole life is one big mistake? Am I empty space? No. This means it's time to change the course of your life. This means that the resources and reasons to endure further have ended. This means it's time to take care of yourself. Understand what I want for myself. He is not obliged to fulfill your desires. Stop expecting from him. When you stop waiting, you will be free. There will be no “carrot” that drags you into addiction. There will be time and energy for your own life. There will be a power that will help you achieve all your dreams.