During a class on conscious parenting, a woman tells her painful story: My 5.5-year-old son (there is also a little 2-year-old daughter) does not want to sleep alone. Every night he comes to his parents' bed. No matter what she comes up with, no matter what methods she uses, nothing helps. The teacher asked the woman, “Are you sure you want your son to sleep separately?” Exactly, exactly? The woman confidently answered that yes, of course, she really wants it. After this, the group members actively began to advise what could be done, what could be invented to solve the problem. It was as if no one had ever heard the woman say that she had used every possible means, everything possible. Naturally, everything that the participants offered was useless. All methods have been tried and do not help. This means that there is some reason for the child’s behavior. It was no coincidence that the teacher asked the woman a question about whether she really wanted this. At the end, when the group was “exhausted” in searching for solutions, the teacher decided to find out something else: When your son comes to your bed at night, do you hug him, right? “Yes, of course,” the woman answered. - And are you happy at the same time? - Certainly! - the woman admitted, and at the memory of this, her face reflected the same feeling of bliss that she experiences when she hugs her little son to her. – If this is so, then your child feels it and does not believe you that you want him to sleep separately. He hears nothing except what he feels when his mother is happy, and he is ready again and again, even to his own detriment, even if he does not need it at all, to give his mother such moments of bliss. It is so interesting that only this recognition, only the mother’s awareness that her desire is the main thing, is the reason for this situation, that the child is doing this because of her, led to the fact that the child calmed down and finally began to sleep in his crib. That is, the solution to the problem was not even to stop wanting to hug him, but to simply admit it to myself. Understand what the real reason for the child’s behavior is. What complaints can you often hear from mothers? The child does not want to sleep separately, does not wean himself, does not want to go to kindergarten, does not want to stay with his grandmother or nanny... If we offer mothers different ways to solve this problem, this may not help. First of all, you need to “suspect” the mother that her subconscious desire is for the child to remain small longer, so that he belongs only to her and no one else, so that the mother is the most important, the most important, the only one in the world for the child. Of course, in words she will assure you that she honestly and sincerely wants the child to grow up. But in her subconscious she has opposite desires, and these are precisely what the baby feels; he always tries to please his mother and does not understand at all why his mother is angry, why she scolds him - after all, he feels that he is doing what she wants. Let's consider a more complicated case. Mom complains that her little daughter does not let her sleep, she is restless, wakes up several times a night, does not fall asleep for a long time, and almost needs to play with her at night. This has been going on since birth and nothing has changed until now (although one could assume and reassure the mother, say that when she grows up, she will start to sleep, right?). Of course, if we assume that this is the kind of child he was born with, this is his character, temperament, nature, etc., then nothing can be done about it - we will have to suffer for who knows how long. But if, as in the previous examples, we “suspect” that the child’s behavior is conditioned and depends on the mother’s unconscious desire, then we can change something. But what could mother’s desire be here? Can't sleep at night? Not getting enough sleep? Playing with your child in the middle of the night? Absurd? Nothing like this. It is precisely these desires that a mother may have if she has no other way, for example, to show