"How can I want something that I cannot have?" - The client’s surprised phrase that desires may not be satisfied and this can be tolerated. The fact that this idea is surprising in itself indicates a not very clear understanding of oneself, one’s desires and boundaries. Regarding this particular client, the starting question in our therapy was “how can I defend my interests, at work I do more than anyone else, and promotion I don’t have it.” Before the phrase in the title, we had come quite a long way through the anxiety of asking or demanding what we consider fair. By increasing sensitivity to your emotions and resilience when they become too strong. Through the fact that it is not necessary to do all unattended tasks. Through the fact that you can agree with your mother about what and how we discuss and what we don’t. Through a wonderful idea - that what you consider “normal” is “normal” as long as it does not harm yourself and others. Through changing jobs and rethinking your role at work. Through the realization that the leader is not a sacred figure, but a living person with his own desires, capabilities and human limitations. And here is the idea that desires can be very different, not always realistic, and the frustration associated with them is a common thing. The question “How can I want something that I cannot have?” - this is a question from a person who has not been aware of his desires for a long time. At least some significant and important desires. From the very beginning of my work, I was sincerely amazed by the level of activity, for example, a client could keep several diaries during the week, do a lot of things at work, go to sing, go to fitness and practice English, and do psychotherapy. All this was very clear, structured according to a schedule, which was violated sometimes, but not badly. But how did he live then? How did you make decisions? It’s very interesting how you can function quite successfully, how you can achieve impressive results at a fairly young age and still not really understand what you want and where your boundaries are. A typical way of regulation is this: I’m not really aware of what I want, but I feel tension, I project something onto what is happening. I intensively go through previously introjected ideas about what is “normal” in this situation. I find something suitable and try it, if it’s more or less suitable - ok, if not, I repeat point 1. In this scheme, the subject is in the background, the function of the ego - choice - is maximally “automated” by previously studied ideas, concepts and rules. High intelligence, good memory and erudition allow you to quickly sort through them and find something suitable. And then it seems like I don’t really need it. But the truth is, maybe I don’t need it? It’s much easier to choose from what’s available! What do you think? Follow the link to sign up for the first session Or write to @Yuriy_Mikheev in telegram