How to put your life in place? Today the topic of our conversation is: “How to put your life in place.” I, Julia Portland, do body-oriented therapy, individual consultations, business training, art therapy and many other issues. And now I’m still working in the direction of family constellations according to Bert Hellinger. The participants in our meetings are different, some know them, have been to the Constellation in the role of a Deputy, and the impressions are very strong. I know someone from webinars and live meetings. Someone has their own question: “Why is this like this in my life?”, someone has attended trainings and is familiar with constellations in the role of a client. Today's topic and information will be important for all participants. At the beginning of reading, I always ask you to prepare paper and pen, paper and pencil. If you have colored pencils, place colored pencils next to you. Because we will be working today, and in addition to information, it will also be necessary to write some answers to questions, describe the result of the work, the result of the meditation. The “magic of the brain” is that if we have made some discovery for ourselves, if we have not written it down, consciousness can very easily displace it and replace this information. You will simply exit the process and forget about it. Your notes on the topic are only yours, they are only for you, so that you can return to them later - in the process of our work or at the next training, or when you come to the Arrangement, or when you read some books. It is important that you have this information written down. Why do unsolvable problems arise in life? Why can everything in life become distorted? It seems clear where everything should go. And suddenly, somewhere in the middle of the process - once, everything was skewed. What are family intertwinings? What, where, how do they arise? What is the significance for the descendants in relation to whom the intertwining happened? Today we will talk about what three laws our life obeys , our existence in the family system. Let's talk about why there is no money, no health, some relationships are not right, issues with children: somehow they do not obey, they behave in a strange way. Or why can’t I get married? Why can't I have a baby? That is, these are the groups of questions. What to do about it? If there are no logical explanations for this, if such processes have no reasons in the manifested, in the real world, then this is most likely a constellation question. A question related to family intertwining. At the end, we will have a meditation on restoring contacts with the energy of the family. We choose the most relevant for the webinar participants - live topics, what hooks, takes away in this topic, why the participants came, what resonated in their souls, hearts, minds. Why did the participants feel that Constellations were an important and relevant topic? The topics can be very different, they can relate to personal processes, relationships with family, with parents, a variety of processes. At the last Constellations we had a situation related to dad. In order to understand what to emphasize in this meeting, I ask for comments. This time the response was “Three laws, and what to do with going in circles on a certain issue?”, “How to unravel family intertwining, restore the free flow of family energy?” Walking in a circle, especially associated with some purpose, with some theme, is, with a very high probability, some kind of intertwining with one of your ancestors. I always clarify what the theme of a particular participant is expressed in, in what forms he/she feels and understands that these are, for example, weaves. It’s not a fact that a person will be able to answer me right away. But when we talk about all the information, and the participant somehow passes it through himself, it will be more clear to him/her: what exactly and where are these intertwinings, why do they concern him/her specifically? Thus, one participant wrote that “there are intertwinings because inexplicable events occur.” The fact that inexplicable events exist is one of the signs of the existence of entanglements. When something is beyond logic, that's allactions that are possible from the point of view of reason, intellect and state are done, but the situation still remains - this means that, most likely, there are intertwinings. The founder of this entire system of family constellations is Bert Hellinger. There is a lot of information about him on the Internet. I feel that in the training it is more important for us to talk about the system itself, about the laws and the reason for the emergence of any intertwining. We all belong to the System. So, the main message, the main postulate that Bert Hellinger put forward is that we all belong to the System. We are all part of the System. For example, what System do you feel like you are part of right now? Listen to yourself. If we talk about relationships, about contacts with people, about the course of our lives, about actions, about achieving some results, we see the following systems: You and I are all in the Family System, in the Clan System, in the System of our work collective, because it also contains relationships, hierarchy, and so on. Well, the largest of the Systems is a country, and the largest System is the inhabitants of the Earth. Each of these Systems has certain laws. He lives by them, he exists by them. And violation of laws within these Systems entails some consequences. The system is complete. What are the signs of the System? It consists of elements. There are some relationships between these elements, and they can be completely different between different elements of the System. And there is order. This is the order that implies the presence of laws. One of the rules, one of the forms of existence of the Family System is that for each clan, within the clan, energy moves. Energy flows from the past to the future, from older generations to younger ones. It is aimed at procreation. And for the generic System, the existence of a continuation of the System itself is much more important than the existence of an individual. That is, the System will always, based on the laws and rules of its existence, create a situation so that even at the expense of individual individuals, the flow of energy of the species within this system continues. This kind of forward movement and extension of the energy of life is one of the main, one of the most important postulates for us, because all information will be based on this. If we talk about an individual person, then the founder of this entire System - the Method of Family Constellations - Bert Hellinger revealed, that behind all the feelings of a person, every person, lies unconditional love. Global, archetypal, not tied to causes or effects, love without conditions. And we constantly strive for it. In other words, I am part of the race. Behind me are my ancestors. Ahead are my descendants, deeds, achievements, processes, children. This is precisely the basis of existence. The fact that there is a family behind us, a System, order, support - this gives you and me energy for life, energy for success, for accomplishment, for efficiency. Rod is our strength. I am part of the family. This is the strength I rely on. Ancient families, quite aristocratic, taking their roots from somewhere in ancient times, have always attached great importance to this. They knew their ancestors. If we talk about Russia, there were clans that knew their ancestors from Rurik himself. That is, in fact, from this mythological founder of Rus'. Or from the period of Peter I, or from the period of Ivan the Terrible. This was very important. One participant has been compiling her family tree since the 18th century, my dad told me as a child that it is worth thanking him - thank you in person or in your heart. I am delighted, this is a rare case. Very often the situation is quite the opposite. This is very, very important, and this is a very large resource. In our country, it was not customary to draw up family trees, to know the names of your grandparents, great-grandparents, and great-grandparents, to know where families came from. In our country, everything existed in a completely different format. We have a special history. It is not without reason that they say that Russia cannot be understood with the mind, and cannot be measured with any yardstick. There are different versions of why Russia developed such a condition, why it has such a position in history.If we speak from the perspective of you and me personally, as individuals, as ordinary people, then you and I have the result that we have. That is, the completion of the processes of a socialist state and the desire for communism, a very strong disunity of people, disunity of families. Let’s say I know a lot of families who live in Moscow, and close relatives, such as nephews, uncles, aunts, or cousins, do not communicate with each other. This situation is quite common. In addition, historically there have been many resettlements in Russia. There were forced relocations, and there were voluntary relocations. And very often after these migrations people forgot where they were from, or considered it necessary not to remember it. Because in Soviet Russia, remembering many things, for example, the aristocratic past, was not only indecent, but dangerous. People changed their names, changed their history. And they passed on to their children and grandchildren some kind of invented story for the existing system. Thus, this theme “Ivan, who does not remember his kinship” is very strong in our country. Plus, of course, collectivization means several wars – even during the 20th century. Relocation of entire peoples: Tatars, Jews, and so on. Traveling abroad. This all affected our history. I will talk about each of the laws of the system in more detail. I pay special attention to what resonates with the participants personally or with their questions, with their state of life or emotional moments. The first law is the law of belonging. The first law is the law of belonging. It says that everyone who was born into a family, or was about to be born, or contributed to the existence of this family, or suffered for this family - all these people are part of the family. And this law has violations that entail certain consequences. What kind of violations could these be? Who is most often pushed out of family memory? Violation of the law - abortion From the most recent cases. A girl came with a question about money. What we are planning for the next training on the Internet is “Working with cash flow.” She and I were just working with cash flow. And then it turned out just at the Constellation, which was later confirmed by the situation when she talked with her mother - she had several brothers and sisters. The most common violation, the most common pathology in violation of this law is abortion. Abortion in the person himself, that is, in the woman, or in the man, if his children were aborted. And abortions among ancestors. The meaning of the situation is that the person who remains on Earth - a child or descendant of this person - begins to unconsciously, emotionally, mentally grieve for his lost brothers and sisters. Thus, he does not allow himself to be happy, he does not give himself this right. He does not give himself the right to achieve goals, get results, start a family and simply live life to the fullest. Because - how can it be, there is someone somewhere who could not live. And these are my brothers and sisters. What to do about it? How to get out of it? Moreover, the result of this violation is important for both the husband, the wife, and the child. We will talk in more detail at our next trainings; on September 7 we will start working on this topic. We have such extensive plans in this area. This work can be carried out by both the mother and the child - a brother or sister of those dead children. It's important to remember everyone. We see you. We remember you. You are part of our family. We respect your destiny. And I respect you and your memory. I will live my life. For your sake, I will become happy. The principle is approximately this. This is such soulful work that needs to be done. The main responsibility of parents, in this case, mother and father, is to grieve, to receive internal forgiveness for the situation that arose, for what was done. This is the responsibility of the parents. Although Bert Hellinger is now saying that the situation is important not only for the mother, but also for the child. To the point that there is an opinion that children need to be told that such a situation happened. But we talk about this in more detail at individual arrangements or in groupmeetings. Divorce is the second form of violation of the law of belonging. Especially if we are talking about a difficult, harsh divorce. As you know, it happens with us. The most interesting thing is that in European countries, in America, even when there is something to divide (there is real estate, property, there are some other things) - for some reason divorces occur less harshly, with less intensity of passions than in our country. I don’t mean now the personalities who circulate in the media. For them, the task is to get on the screen even at the expense of divorce. I mean simpler, down-to-earth citizens. Just like in our country, there was often nothing special to share. I rely on the information that I had from the Constellations and meetings that I did for my clients. At the same time, divorces are often so severe that mothers change their last name, change the child’s last name to the grandfather’s last name, patronymic, move, and cut out their husbands from all photographs. This, naturally, also disrupts the situation. A very important point here that affects us, our descendants, is that we receive energy from our parents - from father and mother, from father and mother. Moreover, we receive two types of energy: male and female. And each of these energies is very important and necessary for us. Because each of the energies carries certain opportunities for us, so I would say. For example, feminine energy is the energy of basic security, solid inhabitation, the right to be manifested in life. And male energy is the energy of activity, achievement, effectiveness, efficiency, and the realization of one’s goals. And imagine what happens to a person when he does not have this or that energy. Naturally, this is reflected in his actions, in his activities, in his life. The next form of violation is the incorrect termination of a relationship with a previous partner. What is meant? Before they met, mom and dad had someone - a bride, a groom, a more or less serious relationship. If it was such a serious relationship that the person at that time perceived this relationship as a partnership. I'm not talking now about whether there was a sexual relationship or not. It is the internal perception, the impression of an unfinished situation. What are the consequences? They are, again, for the husband, for the wife, for the children. Because all these partners continue to be present in a person’s life. In other words, even when there is a legal wife, a man will always remember the situation of his previous partner and feel sad. On an unconscious level, of course. And all this will be present in the life of the family. What is the point – for the child? The child will try to somehow compensate for this situation. It is not always possible to imagine what options this will lead to. This is usually considered in the Arrangement. At one of the past “live meetings” - in Moscow we meet with a certain frequency - we did just meditation and Constellation to end the relationship with our partner. It turned out that this topic resonates with many people, because, firstly, certain relationships exist now in our society - to creating a family, to creating relationships, to developing relationships. And the question of spirituality, until a certain time, was not very prominent in this topic. Traditions that have existed since ancient times, which were aimed at protecting relationships, have been violated. Therefore, almost everyone has some kind of relationship in their youth that requires proper completion. Because it very often happened that people broke up at the moment of scandal, conflict, and so on. And all this needs to be restored. Because otherwise, this is also an obstacle that can limit us in obtaining results and limits our health. Very often this is one of the reasons that can leave women infertile. Despite the fact that there are no explainable, physically verifiable, scientifically demonstrable or analytically proven reasons. A woman simply cannot get pregnant. Another set of reasons why people are excluded from the System is that people end up in prison, for example, murderers; these are crazy (themvery often excluded). And during the Soviet period, these were repressed people. For example, now we have people who in Soviet times fell under the harsh machine of the so-called “justice”; some found themselves in repression. This is one of the main reasons why in Soviet times people were forced out of the clan. If we talk about the exceptions that I mentioned, then the main option for resolving this issue is to accept the situation, speak to the world about acceptance, about forgiveness, respect all those who are inside this situation, and continue life. That is, this is what you and I will do in our subsequent work at the next meetings, starting from September 7. Forms for resolving the situation Memory, place and respect for fate - these are the forms for resolving the situation for the first law. The first law, as you remember, is the law of belonging. The second law is the law of hierarchy or order. The second law is the law of hierarchy or order. The energy of life can only move forward, only into the future. She cannot move into the past. The one who came to the family earlier, the one who gave us life or the opportunity to live, will always be more important, more important and older. And the debt is what our ancestors, our parents gave us life, or it came to us from our grandmother, from our great-grandmother - it is impossible to return this debt back. Relatively speaking, it is impossible to give birth to a mother, to give birth to a grandmother. And this is the main point that you need to remember, that you need to know about. What are the violations within this law? The first violation is arrogance. Arrogance towards ancestors. Such contempt, snobbery, when “I have a higher education, I actually live in Moscow, but where are they? There. And what are they?” This is the first violation. And you know, oddly enough, one of the quite common ones in our country, because there is a certain accumulation of finances in large locations, in large cities. Very often children leave where they were born, leave their parents. And then this gap occurs when the child realizes himself in society, in life, much more strongly than his parents. You don't have to go far. Very often, the grandparents of people my age are from the village. And this situation is quite natural and alive. The question is to accept and agree with this situation. Don't close yourself off from this. Don’t invent a new story for yourself, that I am this and that, came from here and there, but in fact, I am a descendant of my ancestors, who currently live in the village. Or it could be another option: I’m smarter - you’re dumber. I know life better, but what can you, parents, know? These are moments that constitute a violation. So, the first violation of the law of hierarchy is arrogance. The second violation is the adoption of parents. The second violation that may exist, and again, from the last meetings, from the last work that happened, is the adoption of parents. What is meant? A situation when, for some reason, a person becomes a parent to his parents. Now I will formulate this more simply. What's the point? One of the options we recently worked with. There was a difficult divorce. Parents divorced. Dad stayed in a certain city - either Omsk, or Tomsk. And mother and daughter moved to Moscow. My daughter is such a purposeful young lady with a good education, already received here in Moscow. And she and her mother somehow live, and raised a younger daughter - this girl’s younger sister. They do not maintain contact with their father. And, at the same time, the girl cannot move away from her mother. I tried to buy an apartment several times, but the deal ended in the middle. I tried to rent an apartment but nothing worked. It turned out that anyway, even if she had a rented apartment, she always lived in the apartment with her mother. And there they worked precisely on restoring relations with his father, which were destroyed and broken. And the plus is separation from the mother. Because it turned out that the girl became a parent to her mother. That is, she looked after her, reminded her, did some things, interacted with some public organizations…