From the author: Treason: is the end of the relationship? First, a parable about male polygamy... “In ancient times, the Lord blinded ten Adams. One of them plowed the land, another herded sheep, the third fished... After some time, they came to their Father with a request: - Everything is there, but something is missing. We're bored. The Lord gave them the dough and said: “Let everyone mold a woman in his own image, whatever one he likes: plump, thin, tall, small... And I will breathe life into them.” After that, the Lord brought out sugar on a platter and said: “There are ten pieces here.” Let everyone take one and give it to his wife so that life with her will be sweet. Everyone did just that. And then the Lord said: “There is a rogue among you, for there were eleven lumps of sugar on the platter.” Who took two pieces? Everyone was silent. The Lord took their wives from them, mixed them up, and then distributed them to whomever he got. Since then, nine out of ten men think that someone else's wife is sweeter because she has an extra lump of sugar. And only one of the Adams knows that all women are the same, because he took the extra lump of sugar and ate it himself!” I regularly have clients (mostly women) who have experienced adultery. At the same time, requests for results from working with a psychologist are not pampered with their diversity. Basically, clients want: - to get their husband back by taking an active position; - influence the husband so that he returns on his own, taking a passive position; - get rid of emotional attachment, dependence; - stop being jealous; - make sure you don’t feel anything and don’t suffer from it; - find out step by step what they should do and what actions to take, get advice; At the very beginning, the requests are monotonous, because they are all directed at an external object, in this case, the husband. As a last resort - to a rival or mistress. Everything revolves around the desire to influence them, to explain that they are wrong, to direct them to the right path, or to punish them. If safety precautions are not followed, the psychologist risks being drawn into the family system and taking on the role of a Rescuer or Mentor in it. And thus take responsibility for what is happening in the family from the moment the psychological work begins. Constructive work is aimed, in fact, at changing the mental life of the client (the injured party). This is usually difficult to perceive. After all, the person came for sympathy, pity and support. And most importantly, seek advice. And so the client begins to learn the meaning of the phrase “Psychotherapy is not always a pleasant and painless activity.” It’s difficult to change yourself and you don’t want to. But, usually after 2-3 doses, the feeling comes that you need to change, first of all, in yourself. So that transformation begins in the family system. After all, betrayal is not the end of the family. This is a kind of paradoxical attempt to reach out to your partner, to convey to him your needs and emotions. This is the gateway through which awareness (insight) and emotional breakthrough (catharsis) comes for both partners. The gate through which new behavior is learned (coping) and faith and hope for the future appear. As a rule, in a situation of betrayal, the following are identified and become targets of psychotherapeutic work: - Low self-esteem of the injured party - Restoration of family roles - Work with femininity / masculinity - Clarification of true values ​​and desires - Work with negative scenarios and parental attitudes - Depression as a consequence of psychological trauma A situation of betrayal can be regarded as an acute stress disorder, and its prolonged version is post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The main form of treatment is psychotherapy. When depression increases, drug support in combination with psychotherapy is effective. Sincerely, practical psychologist in Simferopol, family psychologist Alexander Vitalievich Kashin