From the author: These are practical observations about the interaction between parents and children, how to win over a child, improve understanding and learn to communicate with him. An alternative to a belt or how to win over a child. “Happiness is when you are understood!” To understand another means to hear, to stand in his place and try on his shirt, and to feel how it is, where it’s tight, and maybe just right. To understand is to comprehend the way of thinking, the state of another, his mood. This awareness of another occurs when we have a similar experience that we can turn to, having such information helps us connect with the person and think, feel what he thinks or feels about it. And what gives understanding to another person whom they are trying to understand - it becomes easy for him, he was heard, understood, and took part of his suffering upon himself. Why understand? To understand, you need to turn to your own experience; such experience comes with living through different events and understanding them. The child does not yet have many such ideas about himself, he is still collecting his baggage, and the parent is his assistant and teacher in this. What is the basic need of a child - unconditional love, when he is accepted for who he is, when you give love and do not ask for anything in return. This attitude of an adult best helps the child to hear what his parents want from him. The child will warm up to the parent, hear him, believe in his sincerity and interest in himself, and see genuine participation. All this helps prepare the ground on which education can best rest. The ability to hear and understand your children. One of the important components of this understanding is emotions. Feel, feel, understand, see, hear what the child is feeling now, what is happening to him in this particular situation. After all, emotions are a person’s psychophysiological reaction, his attitude to what is happening. Children gradually learn to recognize emotions, and it is easier to recognize the emotions of other people than their own. A very small child feels himself with his whole body, any need is discomfort in the whole body, and the distinction of nuances in his condition occurs gradually. A child needs to learn to understand his emotions, what is happening to me, what I feel and what to do about it. Parents need to be taught to share their child’s feelings such as anger, guilt, shame. Our empathy for the child, and then naming the emotions and feelings that the child experiences, helps him to know himself better and feel needed and valuable to the parent, and also increases the readiness to perceive the adult as a friend, teacher, mentor. How does it work? 1. An adult understands the child’s inexperience and recognizes his right to experience all the feelings that people are capable of and also the child’s right to react not very adequately, as a result of immaturity and lack of understanding of himself and the situation. Many parents think that their children do something to spite them, on purpose, to harm them, to annoy them, to piss them off, to waste time. Sometimes everything looks like this outwardly, but the child’s message is different, he strives to be paid attention to, does not know what to do with these feelings and in this situation, how to behave, he expects empathy and support.2. An adult needs to understand the feeling, what is happening to the child, what he feels, why he experiences these emotions and what their intensity is.3. Share this knowledge about feelings with the child, give him, the child, an idea of ​​himself, knowledge of what is happening to him, why he feels bad. Plus to share his experiences with him, to support the child in this state. And education is great on this fertile soil.4. To say what needs to be done and what to do, to give a choice of several options for solving and ending the problem. This whole algorithm helps.