It was the anniversary of my husband's colleague. It was my first time in this company, so before I was introduced to everyone, I looked at the invitees with curiosity, trying to guess where Petrovich was and which of the two pretty ladies Sonechka. Then I noticed a pretty woman of about thirty who approached the group The women even stopped chirping, and a minute later they disappeared around the restaurant. The woman, standing alone, began to look for a “victim” with whom to talk. “Who is this?” - I asked my wife. “Oh, stay away from her. “This is Bore, everyone calls her that,” he said, and I opened my mouth in surprise. A couple of hours later I was “lucky” to be next to this lady and understand why they call her that. The girl spoke dissatisfiedly in a monotonous voice. Our entire fifteen-minute conversation on her part conveyed the message “how bad it is to live.” She started the conversation with me with her problems. Of course, I can attribute this to the fact that she knew that I am a psychologist. But we still came to our anniversary to have fun, and she tried to drag me into a discussion about why she couldn’t build relationships with people. When I told her that with such a question it would be nice for her to go to a consultation with a psychologist, she pretended Contempt on her face, she said: “Everything is clear with you, you don’t talk for free.” I tried to joke, but the girl portrayed such universal sadness on her face that my mirror neurons groaned and my nose began to tingle with sadness. Having come to my senses, I quickly got over the Bore and, after apologizing, went in search of my husband. At the reception, the client says: “Help me figure it out, I want to break up with my boyfriend, but my mother says it’s stupid.” - Why do you want to break up with him? - Because my boyfriend is a bore! - Why did you decide that? - I ask her. - Because he cannot communicate normally, everything is laid out point by point. For example, he says that you need to go to bed before 23:00. Because the first is complete rest for 8 hours, the second is the period of production of some kind of hormone, the third is you need to sleep in silence and darkness, then the fourth, fifth. And so it is in everything. This irritates me terribly. There is no spontaneity in his life. He is, of course, very smart and kind and promising, but it’s so boring to be with him. Of all the emotions that he allows himself, it is irritation and dissatisfaction when something does not go according to plan. So who is he, this bore? A bore is a person who has problems in communication, and he does not feel that the interlocutor is bored with him or that he annoys the interlocutor. Of course, this concept is subjective and relative. For a young womanizer who constantly hangs out in nightclubs, 98% of the population is boring. And yet we can identify several main criteria for tediousness. You are at risk of this stigma if you: try to find logic in everything and everywhere; are fixated on something and can talk about it for hours; give too many small details in your story; constantly you correct, especially in public; you don’t notice that your interlocutor is bored and continue the topic; you really like to teach others how to live; you often use the phrases “But here we are,” “But in our time”; you like to shock your interlocutor with some stranger in a word, and seeing the lack of understanding in his eyes, you launch into detailed explanations; during a date, you begin to meticulously calculate the amount on a calculator; during foreplay, you carefully remove and put things away; strive to convey to your interlocutor the true truth, even if he was joking or if his words imply irony ;capable of giving a negative connotation to any innocent question. (You are very beautiful today. - What, were you ugly yesterday?) for the most part in life you are dissatisfied. And if you have been told more than once that you are a bore, and you don’t like it, then this can be corrected. Be attentive to your interlocutor, listen more, ask questions regarding the interlocutor, and talk less yourself. When assessing a thing or event, start with the positive, with the pros, not the minuses. Allow yourself to be spontaneous, especially if it concerns intimacy and falling in love. If this is ordinary communication, then.