In the mental development of a child L.S. Vygotsky distinguishes two levels: “actual” (or achieved to date) and “potential”, associated with the “zone of proximal development”. The latter is determined by the child’s ability, in collaboration with an adult, to learn new ways of acting, thereby rising to a higher degree of mental development. At the same time, the presence of a wider zone of proximal development in a particular child is a more reliable (compared to the current stock of knowledge and skills) sign of the success of further education, which determines the diagnostic significance of this criterion when assessing mental capabilities from the point of view of development. What does this mean? Yes, again, everything is the same as what I constantly write about: in education, what is more important is not the set of knowledge, but the development of skills; what is more important is not meeting expectations, but high-quality, development-conducive, trusting relationships; in the end, it is not grades, but the psychological comfort of the child in the formation environment, as then family or school. A logical question arises: So why do many parents so specifically focus on grades and other compliance with various requirements? Let's call them Neurotic Parents (outside the typology of the level of personality organization). The whole point is that Neurotic Parents themselves thus protect themselves from their Cruel Super-Ego, which too rigidly demands from them a rigid (read Ideal) performance of the parental role, which in their head consists of a list of requirements of the dualistic system “good-bad”, “right-wrong”, but not ordinary human interpersonal relationships, relying on the ability of mutual forgiveness and mutual support. As a result, in the feeling of neurotic parents, parenting is a kind of constant exam, a check for lice, an arbitration that is mortally scary to fail. Wanting to protect themselves from death, they have to protect themselves. What does this mean? This implies a violent attack on anyone who threatens the success of the exam. Who threatens Neurotic Parents? Yes, in fact, everyone who is capable of making judgments and evaluations (that is, everyone into whom the Super-Ego is projected). Anyone who can speak negatively about the parenting style, who can evaluate the “quality” of the child as a result of the parent’s self-actualization. But most importantly Thus, a neurotic parent is frightened by the child himself with his inner world, feelings, reactions, etc. Hence we have Parental Rage Attacks that frighten everyone (child, parent and other observers). Inexplicable, impulsive, otherworldly, exciting, destructive. They are especially frightening when directed at a child. After such an attack, the parent experiences a terrible feeling of guilt that haunts him. After all, the rage that had to be shown to protect one’s self contradicts modern concepts of education, which, in theory and according to the requirements of the same Super-Ego, must be met. But what’s the whole point? The fact is that the Parent did not have his own unconditionally loving, understanding, accepting (containing) Parent. Everyone knows the expression “Cruelty begets cruelty.” And the saddest thing is that this rule applies to entire generations, dynasties, clans. And only personal therapy can interrupt this abnormal guarantee of traumatization, that is, nurturing and calming the Inner Child no longer in a relationship with parents, but with the therapist. When training psychotherapy, specialists need to undergo their own analysis for a more comprehensive understanding of the therapy process and, of course, for working through one’s own mental traumas, so as not to become a hostage to countertransference in therapy and not to harm the patient. Logical, understandable and humane rules. I believe, and I am glad that I increasingly hear the unanimous opinion that the same requirements should be in relation to parenting, where a small individual is even more defenseless than an already formed patient in therapy. These requirements are even more logical, understandable and, even more so, humane. After all,