Am I to blame? then as a daughter/son, a friend or colleague, a girlfriend, a wife. Guilt is dangerous because a person may not notice the edges of his own pangs of conscience. When atonement or apology has already been made and accepted. But the person continues to suffer and suffer... Can this mentality exist in Russia? In the books of Russian writers there is a lot of mental suffering, melancholy reflections about one’s fate or one’s relatives and lovers. After all, guilt is very close to repentance, and then to forgiveness. But here lies the difference between toxic guilt and ordinary guilt, which helps us become better and improve relationships. Ordinary guilt - a person apologizes, does something important for himself and another, asks for forgiveness. Atones for guilt. It becomes easier for him/her. This is normal. But toxic guilt does not give a feeling of calm and relief. With its help, every time you lead yourself in a circle of suffering from which there is no way out and move towards apathy... and possibly depression. How to help yourself: 1) Try to understand what kind of “guilt” you have now. Real or already exhausting, drying up. In the first case - apologize, redo it, renegotiate. In the second case, this is still for therapy with a psychologist2) How do you feel guilty? After you write these identities (roles), choose a counterbalance for yourself. This is very resourceful, gives strength and self-confidence. The slider contains a detailed example from a direct message correspondence. I also gave a lot of examples in stories today - look. 3) Write how much you have already done for a person. A list of your contributions or investments. Material (money, things, toys for children) and “value” (time, brains, strength, concentration, study) As a student, I was amazed by the description of feelings of guilt in Bernard Werber’s book “Empire of Angels.” The hero went to hell and wanted to take his beloved. And it was very easy to do. She was free to leave with him at any time. But she couldn’t, because she believed that her guilt had not yet been atoned for. And she chose to suffer and suffer endlessly, since she herself did not know the criterion for her OWN forgiveness. Therefore, I ask you! Be more careful with yourself! Use points 1-3. Which option will you take into your life? Who is accusing you of what? Or do you blame yourself more??