What should I do if I don’t want to celebrate gender holidays in my team? The fuss around “Women’s Day” and “Defender’s Day” can cause serious irritation, especially if the team decided to celebrate - and this is for you Well, I don’t want to at all! Go against my colleagues - or take the side of the majority, scolding myself in my heart for conformism? If I decide to “revolt”, it is important to ask two questions. About my true motives and the acceptability of the consequences. First, dealing with what we really want, proving to colleagues, for example, that March 8 has nothing to do with femininity and spring! Show awareness? To win a place in the team as more independent and decisive in your position than others? Coming out of the shadows? Or throw out dissatisfaction with colleagues who have accumulated on completely different issues? It is important not to rush into debates with colleagues, but to think about whether there are other, more constructive ways to achieve the same thing? Perhaps at a completely different moment. For example, the next time you take the initiative in a project or introduce a creative, bold idea. It is important to ask yourself in time: what do I want from my colleagues at a deep level? And what am I not getting from them? Perhaps recognition of one’s own importance, some kind of encouragement? Do not confuse personal and work motives, this is fraught. If in a work context we strive to fill some personal deficit, for example a deficit of importance, then we spend energy inappropriately. And we spoil relationships with colleagues: after all, when we “switch” to the personal sphere, then grievances, complaints, etc. emerge... Everything that prevents us from moving towards professional goals. Second, about the acceptability of the consequences. Imagine a member of an ancient tribe who refuses to take part in a conventional ritual dance around a fire. But he still counts on mutual assistance during the hunt and a place at the food pot. Will it wait, what do you think? The fact is that at the level of psychological reactions we are still the same; being in a team imposes a number of responsibilities on us, including the obligation to adapt to the majority. If we, of course, are interested in continuing to function effectively in it. Well, if you still decide to say a bold “no” to the good old gender holidays, try to warn your colleagues in advance. Do not try to justify your view: discussions will not lead to anything good. Soften the “bitter pill” with a joke, don’t escalate the drama - just ask them to treat their decision with understanding. If your colleagues know you as an adequate, positive-minded employee, it is unlikely that this will radically change their attitude towards you. So, it is important to remember your true goals for being in the team, weigh the consequences of even a small “rebellion” and not confuse working relationships, in which everyone we play roles and adapt - and personal ones, in which conformity is truly inappropriate. Well, let’s arm ourselves with humor - perhaps my metaphor about ritual dances will suit you. What do you think about gender holidays? Ksenia Krokhina, practicing psychologist, teacher, creator of the “Harmonization of Personality and Family” project. Waiting for a consultation, appointment +79037372223