From the author: The article was written in February 2011. Published: On the Gestaltlife website on March 16, 2011 On my personal website on August 21, 2011 I often come across this question. It is asked by different people. And those who are looking for help, but doubt whether it is necessary. And those who are simply interested and trying to imagine what could prompt a person to turn to this “strange and incomprehensible” specialist. And those who, in fact, when asking a question, are already ready in advance to refute any answer and prove that in fact psychologists are people who artificially maintain their importance, because they simply have nothing better to do or do not want to earn money in some more useful and hard work. How should I answer this question to a person? Can I decide for a person and know better than him whether he needs the help of a specialist or not? After all, if we are talking about a person who, in general, is in harmony with the law, does not pose a clear threat to others and to himself, then referring him to a psychologist is a thankless task and even, from the point of view of some people, offensive. Yes Yes. According to my humble observations, the phrase “You need to go to a psychologist” often sounds like a veiled message like “You’re not all right - go figure it out.” And who likes to hear someone say that not everything is fine with them? And if you add “with your head” to this phrase... then the meaning comes out even better. So, do you still want to know if you need a psychologist? Otherwise, maybe it’s better to close this text before we find out about ourselves, God forbid, something like that...! :) A psychologist is a specialist with controversial popularity in Russia these days. On the one hand, the demand for psychological services has increased significantly. On the other hand, there is still a tendency to turn to a psychologist as a last resort. That is, after repeated visits to doctors, “grandmothers” of various kinds, astrologers, psychics, etc. In addition, a psychologist is confused with anyone - a psychiatrist, a shaman, and a fortune teller. Therefore, I think, information on how to determine whether you need a psychologist may be relevant and useful, even if only for the future . That's right - I won't agitate anyone. I'll just try to give some guidelines so that you can answer the question yourself. The first guideline. For me, it is contained in the question itself - “is it necessary?” Need is a state in which there is no doubt about whether you need what you need (pardon the pun). For clarity, I will give a simple example. Think about any of your basic needs. When you need food (exactly you need), water, air, the release of waste products from your body, you clearly feel it in your body. As Grishkovets said in his remarkable, in my opinion, play “Simultaneously”: “... I received a signal - I’m going to perform.” How then to describe the need for a psychologist? After all, this is not an innate bodily need that is instantly recognized by a healthy nervous system. What is her signal? I would describe it like this: “Bad, very bad, or intolerable... and need help.” You feel bad. You tried to make it feel good. But somehow it doesn’t work out very well, or it works out, but not for long. It can be either “very bad” and “everything is bad”, or “chronically unpleasant” in some part of your life now (work, love, friendships, parent-child relationships, studies, hobbies, health, etc. ). You really want to talk about it, but you have no one to talk to. Or there is someone... but these people have already heard about your problem or even personal trouble a hundred times, they have told you their opinion a hundred times... but for some reason it didn’t help.. or again it didn’t help for long. And you already know in advance what they will tell you, how they will react... and you are embarrassed to bother them once again... because, in the end, you can already tell yourself all this. You feel lonely. Lonely, because communication about the issue that worries you does not lead to relief... or perhaps only temporary. It’s possible, by the way, that you don’t have anyone to talk to about yourself. Because youalone in fact. And it may even be part of your problem. And you feel embarrassed or even ashamed. Because you don’t understand why you, such an old enough person, cannot change the situation and feel helpless in it. You want to figure out what's going on and still find a solution. And you really want, practically need, to be helped by showing you sympathy, understanding and, maybe even patience. Then there may be various variations. Perhaps you have already asked yourself the question “maybe I should see a psychologist?” Or maybe the ads you read about psychological services resonated with you in a special way. Maybe you just notice that when scrolling through the pages of the Internet, you linger longer on those where psychologists talk about themselves or address the reader. After all, how did you end up on this site and decide to read this article? Just answer the question “why?” or “what am I looking for?” Guideline two: “Everything is so good that it’s even disgusting / boring / not interesting / sad... (underline as appropriate).” Yes, that happens too. Whether you live for yourself, work, make friends, love and are loved...at work everything is good and calm, or not calm, but very positive (success, promotion, development, etc.), personal life is normal and seems to bring pleasure, problems can be solved, but... for some reason it doesn’t make me happy or it’s just become boring, not interesting. That is, you understand that you should be happy, that you can be envied. But you can't force yourself to feel something you don't feel. You wouldn't mind, but it doesn't work out. And you fight with yourself. On the one hand, I can’t make myself feel the joy of life, a lively interest. On the other hand, for such “blueness” you condemn yourself (and maybe someone helps you with this) in the style of “You’re crazy!” Who knows, maybe it’s just time to look for new guidelines, because the old are no longer important. Or maybe you have achieved something that you have been striving for for a long time, but it turned out that it is not quite what you need (the result does not meet your expectations). Or you simply don’t notice something important that is happening to you right today (yesterday, the day before yesterday - day after day) and therefore it seems to you that there is actually no reason for boredom, melancholy and loss of interest. You may not see them, but they are still there. In any case, if you cannot figure out what is happening and how you can change the situation (if you want to change it at all), a psychologist is a specialist you can turn to. Guideline three. “The same rake... and other gardening tools on the path of life.” “Stepping on the same rake” is an expression that is very familiar to many of us. This is what we say when we suddenly discover that this or that situation is developing or has already completed its development according to an already familiar, and sometimes painfully familiar, scenario. Sometimes in such situations we feel like scriptwriters and directors, sometimes forced actors, sometimes... random passers-by. But that's not the point. The important thing is that whoever we feel we are is about us and our own lives. Therefore, sooner or later a person has a question: “What am I doing that always ends up in such situations?” How do you deal with this question? It varies. For example, you notice that, despite the change of partners and even their dissimilarity from each other, the relationship in your couple always resembles the same story. Or, for example, with the same person (friend, relative, colleague) you periodically find yourself in a certain situation that is unpleasant for you, for him or for both of you. Or maybe you notice that in different groups (among friends, at work, etc.) you consistently find yourself in the same role (the person everyone rides on, the person whose interests are not taken into account, the person who gets caught for everyone, a person who is an outcast, or an eternal joker who is not taken seriously... etc.). There are many more options. If you are familiar with what I write about,if you periodically have the impression in one or more areas of your life that the essence of the “play” does not change - only the scenery and sometimes the actors change. And if it is important and interesting for you to understand what contribution you make to this “work”, what is your role in it and whether it can be changed. Then you probably need a psychologist. Landmark four: “I have a question. I’m looking for an answer.” You don’t have to remember a psychologist as a specialist only when you’re really desperate. As with any service, psychological assistance has two components - crisis and preventive. So why take things to the limit when you can take preventive measures? Perhaps you have a question about your life that is pressing, that you notice and the answer to which is interesting and important to you. A question related to understanding oneself, self-determination in life, attitude towards oneself or relationships with other people. you have already read literature (books, articles, interviews on the topic), communicated with different people. You already have some idea of ​​possible answers, or even just one answer. And at the same time, you still have some doubts about the answer or options found, and you want to consult with someone. At the same time, you don’t want theoretical abstract advice, but a conversation specifically about you and your personal, individual situation (after all, theory can be read in books). Or, for example, you initially don’t want to read anything and go to different sources in search of an answer, but want a live, direct conversation with a person who would help you navigate and find the answer to your question. Yes, you can also consult a psychologist about this. Landmark five. “Interest.” This landmark is even more unusual than the previous one. It is still quite rare to meet a person at an appointment with a psychologist who has come simply because he has some not very pressing, but interesting and important question for him about his life. It’s even more unusual to think that sometimes people turn to a psychologist simply because they are interested in their life and themselves. This is a situation when, in general, the soul does not hurt and life is quite satisfactory, but at the same time there remains a keen interest in “what else can you bring into your life?”, “why is my life arranged this way and can there be some other way?” -different?”, “why am I like this (like this)? Can I change anything? etc. In general, this phenomenon is infrequent. But it happens. In particular, people sometimes come to my groups with such interest. And explore your life, and get to know how others live. This can be useful. Guideline number six: “Something strange is happening to me.” Don’t be scared right away. Something strange happens to every person. And it is not at all necessary that this relates to the field of psychiatry. In life in general, in my opinion, there are a lot of strange things. What strange things could be happening in your life? When I say “strange,” I mean any events and incidents with your indirect or direct participation, which you again notice with some regularity, but do not understand what they are connected with. At the same time, these events clearly attract your attention, perhaps causing surprise with a hint of slight anxiety. These may be external events, as well as some of your personal reactions to events. For example, you began to notice that recently all sorts of accidents involving you have become more frequent - accidents, the danger of an accident (carelessness on the road, for example), physical injuries (bruises, burns, dislocations, cuts), or you somehow strangely find yourself in dangerous situations. Or, for example, your reactions - you suddenly, out of the blue, began to experience vague groundless anxiety or fear (mild background or obsessive strong), or you began to notice unmotivated aggression (“breaking out” at people - screaming, getting irritated) . Or, for example, you have become very forgetful - you constantly lose things in the apartment, or burn dishes on the stove, you begin to forget important things and meetings (which is not typical for you), you forget whether you closed the door and turned off the gas (lights, water, irons).