There is still magic in psychological counseling! Well, or so it seems from the outside. And now I will tell you the secret of one of the magic techniques. In the client’s speech, appeals are valuable psychodiagnostic material. And by drawing the client's attention to the peculiarities of how he calls other people and himself, significant progress can be made in therapy. I myself have twice witnessed amazing changes in life after changes made in speech. We In our culture, this word is very common when a mother talks about her child, meaning him alone. This word marks being in a codependent relationship. It can often be heard from loved ones who suffer from alcohol or drug addiction. Normally, the child is in a merging relationship with his mother until he is 1.5-2 (3) years old, then his autonomy develops with the support of the mother. “We” from the mother’s lips is transformed into the sum of two “I”: child and parent. If this does not happen, then both suffer. No one has their own life, there is only a common one, ours. I’m tired of listening to you always say: “my car,” “my TV,” “my tape recorder.” Since we are husband and wife, we cannot have your or my things, but only “ours.” Do you hear, hubby, ours!! By the way, what are you looking for in your wardrobe? — I’m looking for our trousers. When working with such a client, I do not support him in we, but ask him to reformulate, clarify who exactly we are talking about. Between sessions, I give the task to notice “we” in speech and immediately separate it. Example: we went to the doctor today…. Stop. Today I took my child to the doctor, and the child visited the doctor. In Gestalt therapy, “we” marks the method of interrupting contact as “merging.” Mom, dad After the birth of a child, the spouses have a new role: parents. But sometimes she overshadows other roles. We were Petya and Vika for each other, but we became mom and dad. The use of first names in the family has disappeared. Now here only our baby has a name: Ivan Petrovich. - Mother, do you have anything to eat? - No, daddy, I didn’t have time. It seems like nothing bad is happening. Well, mom and mom. She really is Ivan’s mother. The spouses see middle-aged people (that is, approximately the age of their parents when they themselves were children) and then the subconscious turns on its taboos. And sex disappears or does not bring past satisfaction. That's right, you can't sleep with your mother! In this case, the magic of renaming may not work if such treatment has been going on for years. But if you leave everything as it is, the situation will only get worse. You “You”, said about yourself, can be heard much less often than “we”. But if the ear is trained, the difference is by no means obvious. What can such a monologue tell? You would like to explain, but you can’t. You would like to ask, but you feel awkward. You begin to get angry, you are already bursting with anger, but the words are frozen in your throat. I will again turn to Gestalt therapy for help. “You” in speech, what is said about oneself indicates such a method of interrupting contact as retroflection (turning towards oneself). The man wanted to do something, but stopped himself. It shouldn’t, it’s shameful, scary, wrong…. There are many reasons for stopping, but there is only one mechanism. When working with such a client, it is important to deploy this mechanism. Understand where he stopped himself and why. It happened to me that only a few times I drew a person’s attention to his transition to you, and he perfectly began to track it himself. He-She speaks about oneself in the third person at a certain period of life. The one in which the “I” did not appear. And in traumatic neurosis, regression often occurs, and it is mainly this that hides behind the third person in speech. The third person marks the injury. Anechka washed the doll, and now she will wash her hands. Anna Alexandrovna likes the house to be clean. It’s better not to anger Anna Alexandrovna! I included such an address in the article because it is different from “I”. But in this case, miracles do not happen. Dealing with trauma is a long and strenuous journey, which in the case of nuclear injuries (received during/32106/