The Madonna and Whore Complex in Action This psychological disorder was first identified by Sigmund Freud under the heading “mental impotence.” It is believed that men have a complex who consider women either holy “Madonnas” or fallen prostitutes. Men with such a complex cannot sexually desire women from the first category and at the same time want sexual relations with women from the second category. Freud wrote: “Where such men love, they have no desire, and where they want, they cannot love.” Wikipedia. How this complex manifests itself in life: Client 1. At school, he was in love with a girl whom he considered the most beautiful in school, and he was then a pimply teenager. When he graduated from school, he began dating this girl. They have a serious relationship, but this guy has problems with erection, although he is ok in sex with other girls. In his relationship with her, he still cannot believe that she chose him. She is still unattainable for him. And in his relationship with her, he still feels like that pimply teenager who was denied a relationship. There is only a “Madonna” complex here. And you can work with this. Client 2. While married to his wife, he engaged in classic sex. Separately from his wife, he could rent a sauna, invite prostitutes of both sexes there, and loved various experiments. Client 3. (a real example of the complex) Had a lot of sexual relationships with women (not necessarily easy behavior, but often it was just sex). Married a woman - cultured, educated, sophisticated. In sex with her he tries to play the role of the same person - cultured , educated, refined. But this role restrains his sexual liberation. Before that, he had a long-term sexual relationship, but he couldn’t even give that woman a flower - he couldn’t get over himself, because they were just having a sexual relationship. And, besides, that woman had sex with other men besides him. Therefore, he subconsciously despised her (not even giving her a flower), but at the same time he found that their sex was always excellent. Why does this splitting occur in a man in a serious relationship or marriage? There is a person and there are his fantasies, there is previous experience, there are habits in sex. These are all human sexual expressions. And this is precisely his weakest point.. A man is afraid that his body or smell will not be liked, that the size of his penis will not suit his partner, that in sex he will not be “up to par” - he will do something wrong, or very badly (for example, cunnilingus). And on the other hand, a man wants to be liked, wants to be praised. Wants to feel like he's doing everything right. And the more he respects and appreciates a person, the more important his opinion is for him. Therefore, in a serious relationship, and even more so in family life, a man is ready to sacrifice good sex and his sexual fantasies (especially if he is not sure that he will like them partner or wife). For the sake of a good psychological situation in a couple, he is ready to endure a bad blowjob from his wife or its absence, monotonous or rare sex. But then he goes to just the “body” (to which he is indifferent) and, realizing all his fantasies, does not caring about the impression he made on this “body”. This is not necessarily some kind of extreme, it can just be sex, where he lies, and he is satisfied, and he is not obliged to satisfy in return. Of course, not all men behave like this lead. The moral qualities of a man also play a role here. Not every person can be in any kind of interaction with someone he despises, especially sexually (after all, those he despises touch his body). This only happens if there is the very splitting of the concept of “sex” - for example, there is pure and beautiful Sex (with a beloved woman) and there is “dirty” sex (withthose whom he does not love, appreciate or respect). If there is arrogance to judge others. If he has a very high opinion of himself. Although, of course, this is strange - he despises these women, but he himself interacts with them. This makes him despise even more (because they do not refuse him, do not behave like “decent” women), but at the same time, he cannot express himself sexually with his wife (sex with his wife becomes more of a short ritual than a way of self-expression), and goes back to those whom he does not respect. And you need to understand, he is not just looking for a mistress on the side, he is for complete relaxation, he finds exactly the woman whom he will not be ashamed of (due to disrespect for her): he had a bad erection - no problem, came quickly - no problem. Who should he be embarrassed and complex about? This is such a man and such a vicious circle. And it is important to understand that such a man does not look like a monster outwardly. And he doesn’t seem to behave like a monster. He does not come to a woman and say that she is terrible and that he treats her badly. He comes to the “Whore” for sex in a good mood, he can ask about her affairs, carry on some small talk, smile, look kind and tactful. And meetings with one partner can be permanent. And her sexual experience can intrigue him and add brightness to sexual sensations. And he may even be interested in the details of this sexual experience - he is excited by the very essence of the “Whore.” But if the “Whore” tells him that she wants a romantic relationship, for example, drinking coffee in a cafe, or flowers as a gift, then these desires will cause a sharp reaction in the man. rejection - no romance, only sex. Moreover, he considers his behavior justified - what flowers, what coffee, when she had so many men (here his moral assessment of the “Whore” is already included). And the “Whore” is not necessarily a prostitute who provides intimate services to clients.. It’s just a woman , whose sexual behavior is condemned by a man. And therefore, the transfer of their sexual relationship to a new level, with all the desire of the “Harlot,” will never happen. The problem of such men is the lack of feelings at all. With a wife or in a serious relationship, such men first try to play the role of a positive hero, but in a way that is not typical for them, problems appear little by little. Sex becomes monotonous and automatic, because they have nothing to express in sex. With “Harlots” it is important for them not to forget themselves and not cross the line when friendship, tenderness and love can appear in a relationship. And with age, the value of sex decreases. So what is such a man left with? The Madonna-harlot complex is a sexual complex described in the literature on psychoanalysis, expressed in the inability to experience sexual arousal within the framework of a serious love relationship. Wikipedia. I think that the point here is not even the sexual arousal of a man with a “Madonna and Whore” complex, but his inability to experience emotional satisfaction, a full-fledged feeling of happiness and joy when a person is completely open and expressed. A sophisticated individual looks at sex and at love as completely different feelings; This view is typical of neurotic individuals and is associated with a shallow understanding of these emotions. Alexander Lowen "Love and Orgasm" PS There are men who treat their wives well and treat women well for sex. There are men who treat women badly for sex. and not very good to wives. But only those men have the Madonna and Whore complex. for whom emotions and feelings in love and sex are opposite. But this complex does not create problems for such men; they may not even know anything about it. On the one hand, they have peace and tranquility in their family, on the other hand, they are sexually fulfilled and relaxed. This creates problems, rather, for their close people. After all, imagine the shock of the wife who