Shared grief is half grief, shared joy is double joy. Loss and loss are inevitable in our lives, they are part of human existence. Death of loved ones, loss of a job, divorce, loss of health, the list goes on and on. The older we get, the more often we encounter situations of loss. And it’s impossible to get used to this. What should we do? Let's look at how each of us experiences the loss of a loved one. A person begins by crying for the deceased. Only humans bury their fellow creatures; animals do not do this. But to bury is not to forget, it is to remember and preserve in memory. And before a loved one becomes a warm and bright memory in our soul, we have to go through the process of grieving. What it is? The point is that we all walk the same paths when we experience loss. What do you need to know about grief? Psychologists have found that usually (there are exceptions) grief consists of successive stages. The first stage is the phase of shock and numbness. It can last up to the ninth day. We are often in our thoughts with a deceased loved one, we can be angry at the intrusion of other people into our space. Then follows the second phase, the so-called search phase. On average, the peak of this phase occurs 5-12 days after the news of death. It manifests itself in the desire to return the deceased and denial not so much of the fact of death as of the permanence of loss. During this period, we can simultaneously be aware of the death of a loved one and wait for his call or return from work. It's like inertia in consciousness. During this period, it is difficult for us to maintain our attention in the outside world. Sometimes we may imagine the voice of the deceased or his silhouette in the crowd. Such phenomena are not rare, so do not be afraid, such manifestations are temporary and will definitely pass. Then comes the third phase - acute grief, which lasts 1.5 - 2 months from the moment of the tragic event. If during this period you periodically find it difficult to breathe, you experience weakness, lack of energy, pressure in your chest, a lump in your throat - this is absolutely normal. This is the period of greatest suffering and pain. It often seems to your acquaintances that you should already be much better, but you feel despair. Your sleep may be disturbed, frightening thoughts constantly appear in your head, you may feel loneliness, emptiness and meaninglessness, as well as anger, guilt, fear and anxiety. You may feel irritable towards other people. You may be very distracted or anxious. And also fatigue from basic everyday activities. The work of grief is exhausting. Don't be alarmed, this too will pass. Although during this period it seems that now it will always be like this... The fourth phase is the phase of residual shocks and reorganization. During this period, life gradually returns to its groove, appetite and sleep are restored. You think less about the deceased. During this time, residual pangs of grief sometimes occur. The occasion may be significant dates (birthday, date of death, wedding anniversary), and annual events (holidays, summer season, etc.). A year later, the experience of grief enters its final final stage. The meaning and tasks of grief in this phase are for the image of the deceased to take its special place in my consciousness, my inner world. How can we make it easier for ourselves to cope with loss? The first thing that is important to remember in order to survive grief is to get through it. The people around you may want you to quickly forget, be distracted, they may be afraid to remind you of the death of your loved one. Stoicism is glorified in our society. If you don't cry, you will be praised for being "good." The problem is that not crying means behaving inappropriately to the situation, and this is fraught with loss of health. There is no prudence in grief, no matter how you behave, no matter how you show it - this is natural. John Bowlby wrote “sooner or later, everyone who avoids all the experiences of grief breaks down, most often falls into depression.” IfAfter three months it is still very difficult for you, you should contact a practical psychologist. In this case, one of the goals of working with loss is to help people solve this difficult task of grief, to open and experience pain without collapsing in front of it. You need to live this pain so as not to carry it throughout your life. After the death of a loved one, it is important to take care of yourself: Check your health, especially if you have heart problems, high blood pressure or other chronic diseases. Watch your diet and sleep. Try to stick to your usual daily routine. Even if you have no appetite, eat little by little - you need strength and energy. Talk about the deceased with those who are ready to listen and with whom you want to talk. Burn about whatever you want, about old times or about how death came. Even if you say this many times, this is good, it means you need to speak out. Before the funeral, find an opportunity to be alone, say out loud “died (or died)”, do not say “left”. Don't be afraid of your emotions, let them spill out. Let other people support you. Many people don’t know what to say, but it doesn’t matter. Allow yourself to be angry, it won’t hurt anyone. Try not to take sedatives or alcohol before the funeral. It is important to stay in touch with your feelings. The funeral ritual is done in a specific way to help you express your grief. In Egypt, mourners were always present at funerals; they helped the relatives of the deceased express their grief. It is more difficult for men to share grief. This comes from the way many men deal with feelings. For example, there is still a prejudice that tears are a sign of weakness and weak character. If we look at children, we will find that they equally easily express any feelings: they rejoice when they feel good and have fun, they cry from pain and frustration. Moreover, both girls and boys express their feelings this way. When dealing with grief in a healthy way, men have the same needs as women. Which is expressed in the need to talk about what happened, the desire to be among people who show sympathy and have had similar experiences in the past or are experiencing them now. Men, don’t isolate yourself, don’t try to cope with the grief of bereavement alone! Find people who can help you get through this difficult period. These could be friends, other men who are experiencing loss, or a practical psychologist. The death of a loved one forces me to rethink the main thing in life. We were arguing, but now it’s no longer important, or not so important. What's important is that it's all over. And now I’m summing up the results, alone... We built a relationship together, and I’m summing up the results alone, and I really miss the Other... I miss the dialogue with him, such a dialogue could only happen with this person. That part of me that was actualized with this person is now not in demand, and in its place is a gaping wound. And for the wound to heal, it takes time, and I will have to go through suffering in order to find the lost balance. Review of lost relationships. To evaluate what a relationship was for us and what we lost, we break down our relationships into hundreds of pieces. We replay them again in memories, fantasies, dreams. Pleasant memories cause joy and pain at the same time. Difficult memories, quarrels, grievances make us again experience disappointment, anger or melancholy. The task of the review is to once again consider these facts and accept them as they were, to agree with them. The paradox is that the more confusing and complex the relationship was, the more difficult the grieving process is. And we need to deal with all this before grief leaves us. Use of medications. It has become traditional in our culture: before a person goes to a funeral, he is given a sedative. Doctors often prescribe medications for quite long periods. What you should pay attention to? If medications were prescribed before the death of a loved one, they must be taken. If they are prescribed in order to relieve stress,.