In any case, this is the data that I received during my work. Anyone can verify these observations. To do this, just listen to the responses of others to simple remarks... or pay attention to your own reaction. Here, for example, is a conversation between two friends: one casually notices how well the dress fits on her counterpart. And in response she receives a whole confession: “Oh, yes, I bought it at a sale, about...eleven years ago...” and so on, up to the complete devaluation of both the dress as such and herself, as its wearer. However, the fact that Regarding appearance, recently it has more or less come into adequate shape. But recognition of merit, skills and the like is met with a very critical, and not always deserved, response. Women especially tend to devalue and even scold themselves for others. Moreover, a violent reaction begins immediately after she was praised for something. Now do a simple experiment: remember the situation in which you were praised. What feelings did you experience? Shame? Awkwardness? What is praise? Firstly, it is a kind of “stroking”, that is, a part of our communication designed to strengthen social bonds and maintain a good mood. And secondly - moral payment for what you have done. Which, by the way, is one of the ways to prevent burnout. If we are often praised, then we don’t get bored with our work so quickly, we do our work with more pleasure and get tired less. Why is it so difficult for us to accept such a useful thing? The first reason is parental attitudes. “You must be modest!” are words that we often hear in childhood. Of course, it's not just what parents say, but also how children perceive what is said. Very often, children “process” modesty into shame or indifference to positive reinforcement from other people. It happens, of course, that parents are to blame because they foster a system of monopoly on praise. In this case, as an adult, a person may feel as if he has stolen the praise - since it is the prerogative of the parents. But besides our parents, there are other adults who are significant to us, who instill in us that “you should not distinguish defeat from victory.” On the one hand, this makes sense. On the other hand, it is at least unnatural to meet all the events of life in the same way. Finally, the third reason for not accepting praise and devaluing oneself is a sort of ancient fear that someone might steal our luck. A manifestation of the memory of our ancestors: if they praise us, they want to take us down. Rave? I've heard this more than once. The one who praises wishes us harm, and only good people, with good intentions, scold us, wanting to make us better. In reality, this is more or less true when we talk about parents. Well, about a good teacher. In other cases, if the criticism is not constructive and does not relate to a specific offense, these are certainly not good intentions. Rather, it is a way to rise above others. Because by scolding someone we become, as it were, a parent for this person. And now we have a ready-made set of reasons not to rejoice in praise and generally live at the level of the baseboard. And “at the exit” we have a person with a limited number of opportunities to enjoy life. And the habit of devaluing yourself. What does this mean? At a minimum, the person will not strive for career growth and, in general, significant improvements in his life. After all, for this you need to treat yourself accordingly. This person will also not receive psychic energy from “strokes.” This means it will be more difficult for him to do his job. In life, all of the above is expressed in the approach: “we work - where they took us, we live with the one who took us.” But at the same time, we are very convenient for others. A person who is ashamed of praise usually tries to earn it in life. Paradox? No, he has a “program”: parents should praise. What if others? Praise from others triggers the reaction - “I’m bad, I stole praise from my parent.” And he can atone for his guilt with shock.