The work of a psychologist: Interesting and Useful 515 Good afternoon, Dear Friends! And you and I continue to study the work of a psychologist and its various features, we continue to share our experience and knowledge accumulated during practice. I offer it to you Attention to the five hundred and fifteenth article in the series! I’ll add a few words about shame today, as promised. In order not to instill in a child an unnecessary sense of shame, there is no need to shame him. Here, it seems, everything is extremely clear. But it is necessary, as I think, to calmly offer another option right away, without indicating that he did something wrong. Offer another option if there is something wrong and true in his version. Something is wrong for him, not for us. I think it’s important to start with support. Situation and practice. Mom negotiates with the foreman, a neighbor in the house, to repair the washing machine. The neighbor looked at her and thought about it. The girl immediately asks her mother: “How is uncle? Did he agree to repair our car?” Mom here, apparently, could be ashamed of the fact that in front of “uncle” they were talking about him in the third person, and she said somewhat indignantly: “You can’t talk like that! What are you doing?!” The child thought that he had done something terribly wrong, was ashamed, ran away to his room and lay there for a long time and thought that something was wrong with him, that he had done something bad. But then we could talk to him (if you really want to fix it somehow), already in private, so that it is not something public, so that his feelings are protected at the same time, that they are not put on public display (the uncle’s review in this case): “I see that you wanted to help me figure it out, you wanted to support me, you were curious if our car would be fixed, if my uncle would agree. You are great for being interested in our affairs and showing curiosity. thank you for this. Next time you should ask your uncle whether to repair it or not, but I couldn’t tell you that. And your uncle would also be pleased if you turned to him too.” Or something like that. And ideally, it would be easier to just say to my mother in that very situation: “Uncle, how can you fix our car?” That's all. We often make life difficult for ourselves and make it difficult for our children. If we feel awkward, it seems to us that something wrong is happening, then first it would be important to understand ourselves, and not shift our possible problems onto your child. Do you also want to share something? Please write below in the comments! It will be important and interesting for everyone to learn something useful for their work or just for themselves! Thank you for your attention! The next, five hundred and sixteenth article in the series will be published soon, tomorrow or the day after tomorrow! Sign up for a consultation: + 7 - 9 6 5 - 3 1 7 - 5 6 - 1 2 If you liked the material, please click on “Say thanks”! In order not to miss anything interesting, subscribe to my publications! And please share, material on social networks! :)