Why do problems arise in intimate life even in the strongest and most loving couples? You've probably already heard that relationships go through different stages and each stage has its own, so to speak, tasks and functions. Each stage is supported by different hormonal cocktails, better than Aperol Spritz. And in order not to face disappointment, loss of hope and clarity, fears and confusion, I suggest you look at your relationships (current or previous) through the prism of these stages. And also check in the future. Because, as they say, “Forewarned is forearmed.” Relationship stage ANIMAL WANT Pure attraction driven by adrenaline and testosterone. You may not even know the person, but everything inside is already on fire. This is also called “a spark flew between us.” So far it has nothing to do with love. This is purely animal passion. If you continue to communicate and spend time together, the next stage may arise. Stage of romantic love The most “dangerous” stage for disappointment and burning about illusion is When a partner is something divine, my soul mate, destiny, he is a pure IDEAL. When we are together, we are carried away somewhere to heaven. Even the sense of time begins to become distorted. I can admire you for days and if someone tells me about your shortcomings, I will say that they are blind and do not understand anything. This hormonal cocktail is closer to narcotic substances and its effect is supported by hormones such as opiates, endorphins and dopamine. As you may have heard, this stage is not maintained for a very long time, up to 18 months. And if you did survive this stage TOGETHER and kept the couple, the next one, interesting in its own way, awaits you. Stage of kinship and affection Many are afraid of it, others, on the contrary, dream of having a relationship in which everything has already settled down. You know that your partner is also made of flesh and blood, that he is not ideal and in some way infuriates you, but he is so Familiar, so like you. There is already a common life, affairs, realistic plans for the future. It’s just that romance and passion often begin to be lacking, because the third cocktail is based on oxytocin and vasiprisin and these hormones, one might say, suppress animal, wild attraction. Here mi-mi-mi is more than Arrrrrrr. And here we are close to the answer to the main one the question is why the most harmonious couples get problems in sex. At this stage, in order for the development of partners to continue, a cruel joke happens to us. One partner continues to really want sex, and the desire of the second is greatly reduced. Moreover, if you have reached this stage with different people, then they could be in different roles. One wants sex - The second wants to “talk”. One wants unconditional acceptance of his bodily desire. The second wants spiritual intimacy and self-disclosure, knowledge, conversation about feelings. And in order to live all this WITHOUT LOSS and maintain a strong relationship, you need to go to the next stage and follow the Urge to develop your individuality (4). The urge for the partner to know us as a person, to take into account what we are. At the same time, we want to like each other as we are, spiritually naked, in our Individuality. So that it is possible to show this individuality with him and be yourself. That is why these problems in sex are “given”. So that from their stability and everyday life, from routine, goals, plans, partners again pay attention to themselves as a Personality and to each other. We went beyond the “I know myself/you” and went into a fascinating exploration. This is a period when you need to learn to be honest with yourself and discuss the difficult truth with your partner. Bonus, that after each such difficult conversation with a discussion of the difficult truth in the relationship, a special rapprochement arises qualities that will fuel the fire of passion that you were afraid to lose. From now on, this is the fuel of your relationship. Everyone has a hard truth and something that you don’t want to look at in the depths of your soul. This repression constrains your development and does not allow you to reach new levels (financial, intimacy, sensuality, self-confidence, etc.). Seeing and recognizing these internal games of hide and seek from yourself will help.