From the author: The article was published in the magazine "In the City", Mytishchi, Korolev, April 2012. Who's the boss? Many love stories end with beautiful weddings. And it would seem that fate itself contributes to a happy life for lovers. But after the honeymoon, everyday life comes, and with it comes many difficult life situations, in which relatives and friends from both sides actively participate. How to determine the importance of a particular person in the family? Who to pay more attention to: spouse or parent; to a brother or sister who is mired in their own problems, or to their own children; mother-in-law's dacha or your own interests? There are many disagreements and disputes on this topic. Without reaching a common opinion, some couples get divorced. There is such a thing as family hierarchy. This is where all the answers to such questions lie. Hierarchy is sacred rule. This is the order of subordination, the principle and quality of flexibility of the control system in certain situations. Hierarchy controls matter. Violation of the hierarchy is punishable and leads to very deplorable situations: serious illnesses and death. Whether a person knows the laws of hierarchy or does not know whether he likes them or not, he is dependent on them. “Ignorance of the laws does not exempt you from responsibility.” The parental family is primary for each of us! The father and mother for the child are a higher authority. But as soon as the child grows up and creates his own family, the parental family fades into the background. For each other, spouses occupy a leading place in the family hierarchy. It is very important for parents of adult children to know about this and step aside in time. Occupying a leading position in their own family, mothers-in-law or mother-in-law rush with full enthusiasm to “help” their children. The result is conflicts, failure of young families, and divorces. As a rule, single mothers who live with their children without husbands impose themselves as the most valuable dowry for the newlyweds. Having failed to build their own personal life, having wasted their vital energy, mothers infiltrate their children’s families and, in the literal sense of the word, vampirize the young. Instead of fading into the background, they assume leadership roles in the new family. By stealing time and attention, they feed on the vital energy of the young. All laws of hierarchical relationships are violated. With such relationships built, the entire family is at risk. Born children and grandchildren of energetic and loving grandmothers especially suffer. A man and woman, when creating their own family, must already leave parental care. Young people make their own decisions regarding their family. They may listen and consult with parents, or they may not listen and not consult. Today, one of the most pressing topics in psychological counseling is the topic of relationships between adult married daughters and their mothers. Mothers do not even suspect what tests they subject their beloved children to. They demand attention in the most incorrect way - they attract many diseases into their lives and manipulate it. Adult children suffer greatly from this behavior. Instead of directing energy to the development of their family, they have to literally tear themselves apart in order to have time to capture everyone with their attention. But there is not enough energy for everyone! Hence - conflicts in one’s own family, breakdowns with small children, troubles at work. There is a feeling of guilt in front of everyone. And all this happens only because adult children do not know that their new family is primary. First of all, it is important for a person to take care of his personal needs, then take care of his partner, then take care of his children. When family concerns are completed, we direct our attention to work and interest. And then the parents come next! Parents are very important for each of us! And it is the duty of every child to take care of an elderly parent. Caring, but not living your life with him. And these are completely different things. Often mothers reproach their daughters for hysterics and scandals,