Hello, dear readers! I will speculate on this topic, which arose as a result of a conversation with a client. Very often this happens when you want to please people, especially close people, relatives, colleagues, boss, or even when meeting a new person. Inside there may be a mixture of feelings from mild excitement, tension to stupor and numbness. Or the body may be so afraid, for example, when meeting someone, that it may trigger a panic attack. Let me give you an example. This is a collective image of the client. A woman of about 30, after a divorce, has a child, met a new man. They started dating. Her thoughts and feelings: “I really want to please people, and, of course, he likes me. I want a different relationship. I hope that everything will be different with him. I like him. How about me? What if he has something don’t like me or don’t like me anymore? I have to try to bring myself back to normal, look great when I meet, speak the right way so as not to lose face. I don’t even feel at ease about this. Our meeting will pass. What if I feel bad in front of him? What will he think of me then? How can I make him feel good with me? And this is noticeable in almost all areas. At work, she worries about her boss’s attitude towards her, what her colleagues think about her, whether she answered any question correctly, whether she did the task correctly. Well, everything in the same vein. It turns out that from the mixture of these thoughts and emotions a lot of tension arises, the body becomes constrained, there is fussiness, and there may be a lot of awkward movements. Attempts to control oneself are often unsuccessful. It seems that you still need to try harder to definitely like him. Another example. The woman doesn’t like to cook, but before meeting a man she prepares some goodies. He comes, sees that she cooks beautifully, he really likes it, this is a quality he especially values ​​in a woman, and begins to fall in love with her. And then somewhere in the marriage it turns out that she can’t stand it. In this case, it was difficult for her to be herself, which later led to consequences. What to do in this case? 1) Stop trying! Because in this case, you obviously place yourself lower than the person next to you. As if something is wrong with you, but everything is fine with him. This, of course, is read by other people, and they begin to treat you accordingly. As a rule, the more we try and adjust, the worse the relationship. At this moment, we are not in contact with ourselves, and accordingly, we are not in contact with others. Be in the position of “I’m ok, and you’re ok.” 2) Let go of excess control, let the situation go as it goes. If, using the example of a new acquaintance, perhaps you will meet once, perhaps not. Communicate and enjoy this meeting, be here and now. 3) Give yourself the right to make mistakes. Even if something went wrong, it is not a disaster, it is valuable experience that can be taken into account for the future. 4) Allow yourself to relax, be who you are, perhaps imperfect. After all, there are no perfect and ideal people, but there are a lot of sincere ones! 5) Do not give up your desires, voice them! To sum up what has been said, it is clear that the desire to be liked is a natural desire of any person. And it is quite normal if at the same time we remain relaxed, enjoy being in contact with the person here and now. This state of ours only promotes harmonious relationships and strengthens intimacy! If we talk about existing relationships, then it’s great if there is acceptance of each other with any feelings, there are no silences and too much adjustment to the partner. You have your own space and the opportunity to do your favorite things, there is room to grow!